Flavor Flav, a.k.a. William Jonathan Drayton, Jr. (born March 16, 1959) is an American rapper, classically trained pianist, reality television star, hype man, member of the seminal hip-hop group Public Enemy, and a dick.
Flavor Flav's trademark is a large clock he wears around his neck. Ironically, in recent years, his wrinkly, drug-addled, leather-face has become a better indicator of the passage of time than the giant timepiece hanging on his chest.
Music career
Flav is a pioneer in a long tradition of hip-hop dicks called "hype men" who compensate for their inability to rap by merely echoing an actual MC in the form of barely coherent, expletive-laden cheers that they expect an audience to "holler back at them." Such cheers frequently include: "Say turn it up!" "Say hell Yeah!" and "Say HOOO!"
After meeting a musically inclined graphic design student, Chuck D, at Adelphi University where Flav was a disc jockey (and notably NOT a student), the two came together to form Public Enemy. Flav quickly faked his way into becoming a well-respected and influential hip-hop artist without anyone noticing that Chuck D needed to hire a permanent chiropractor from years of carrying Flav and his clocks. While Chuck D paved the way for Common, Mos Def, and Talib Kweli, Flav can be credited with paving the way for Jim Jones, Lil Jon, Fatman Scoop, and anyone who has ever shouted into a microphone at an urban radio station concert.
Some might argue that Flav added a necessary, whimsical counterbalance to Chuck D's politically-charged, thoughtful lyrics. Others refute this by pointing out that no argument ever benefited from ridiculous side commentary delivered by a cross between a circus clown and a grandfather clock. Interestingly, a valid argument exists that Flav is entirely responsible for Public Enemy's popularity among white people who, in 1988, might have been initially turned off by Chuck D's black nationalism, but ultimately enjoyed dancing rappers in funny sunglasses.
Flav has said that the Long Island hip-hop community should be "proud" of what he has done for it. This is not unreasonable considering that lauding native-born dicks is the official Long Island pastime. (See: Billy Joel, Michael Cors, Howard Stern, the Baldwin family)
Family man
Throughout his career. Flav has been a strong advocate of impregnating women. As far as scientists can tell, Flavor Flav has eight children, though that number could be a gross underestimate.
Flav's playful, light-hearted spirit, which made him popular in hip- hop for so long, has not reached quite the same level of popularity among the children who are now forced to live with both financial difficulty and a genetic predisposition to look and act like Flavor Flav. While Flav has been more than willing to impregnate women, he reportedly has not paid child support for some or all of these children, many of whom are in need of financial assistance for their health and education. Yeeeaaaaahh, boyyyyyyyyyy!
Regardless, Flav has managed to maintain strong relationships with the various mothers of his children, one of whom was quoted as saying, "I'm not even interested in even saying hi to him... If he died, I would not go to his funeral."
Flav has been such an embarrassment to African-American men that Chuck D went so far as to publicly denounce him. It is a true testament to Flav's dickishness that he continues to stand out within the world of hip-hop, a community chockablock with individuals who could be considered an embarrassment to African-American men.
Ruined television
After Public Enemy fell from the spotlight and Flav lost whatever cultural relevancy he once had, his career was resuscitated by the VH1 television . At the time, VH1 was making a strategic programming transition from music-related entertainment content to absolute shit. This transition and its subsequent popularity were pivotal in the gradual ruination of the medium.
Flav first reentered popular culture via his appearance on The Surreal Life, a television program in which vaguely familiar celebrities act like infants. While there, he began a what can only be described as "peculiar" relationship with giant scary man-woman actress/sterioidist Brigitte Nielsen, leading to some of the most unfortunate photographs ever taken.
The Surreal Life was followed by another series on VH1 called Strange Love that followed Flav and Nielsen's budding romance. The show, a moderate success, consisted mainly of shouting and freakshow-quality making out, and was made on a budget that is estimated at 17 dollars.
Flavor of Love
Most recently, Flav has achieved fame/notoriety for starring on the television program, Flavor of Love. While Flav's earlier shows had gone to great lengths to embarrass African-American men, Flavor of Love wisely shifts its negative stereotypes to embarrass African- American women.
The program features Flav choosing a potential mate from a collection of women. The women, selected for their "inimitable" personalities, compete for Flav's affection in contests resembling reality TV staple The Bachelor crossed with the movie B*A*P*S. The show centers on Mr. Flav's selection of a "mate," as opposed to a "girlfriend" since many of the participants' on-air activities resemble animalistic behavior more than the standard conventions of modern, non-catfight-based courtship.
In the first two seasons, Flav selected "Hoopz" and "Deelishis," respectively, and his show earned very high ratings, though neither relationship worked out. The third season is currently airing, though much of the program has devolved into gratuitous threats of physical assault among the contestants and the most nauseating French kissing ever to be documented on television. There is also no evidence that Flav has been fully conscious at any point in the program thus far.
What at first seemed innocuous quickly became shockingly abrasive when Flavor of Love thrust Tiffany Pollard upon the world. Given the moniker "New York" by Flav, Pollard initiated a horrific trend of lewd one-upsmanship among stardom-seeking young women on Flavor of Love, forever transforming a television network that began as a harmless outlet for Peter Gabriel music videos. This was the final step in the transformation of VH1 from adult contemporary video station, first, to music-related reality programming network, and, ultimately, to a cesspool.
Trivia
In 2004, Flav took the memorable Public Enemy song "911 is a Joke," a poignant social commentary on the feelings of the African-American community toward law enforcement, and performed it in commercials for Comedy Central's Reno 911!.
Flav appeared, as himself, in the 6th episode of the fifth season of ABC's hit show My Wife and Kids. In juxtaposition to real life, the characters on this show seemed willing to consider attending his funeral.