[lbo-talk] more on why movies suck

Dwayne Monroe dwayne.monroe at gmail.com
Wed Nov 18 09:57:45 PST 2009


Dennis Claxton asked:

Did Hitchcock really go to bed with people?

...........

I'll field this one.

According to various experts, including infamous film historian, high energy physicist and director of such films as "Hauptzerkleinerungsmaschine Muthafucka!" Otto von Otto, Hitchcock did not in fact, go to bed with people. You see, the pan-dimensional have no sex drive to speak of.

One day, somewhere in a mysterious land called "Britain" he appeared in a puff of un-smoke and promptly got to work making movies. Each evening, after a productive day of filming, he would toss his top hat (never worn, but never far from his grasp) on the floor. Faster and faster it would spin, forming a pattern similar to the oscilloscopic effects in the opening titles of "Vertigo".

With a wink and a jaunty wave, he'd jump into this vortex, disappearing into the dimension from which he came. There, Bernard Hermann's music whispers on the wind and Tippi Hedren clones are repeatedly dismantled and reassembled by gene splicing robot crows.

It's like Disneyland, except for the blood. Actually, on second thought, it's just like Disneyland.

.d.



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