(Salt, ugh.)
On Fri, Nov 20, 2009 at 3:12 PM, Doug Henwood <dhenwood at panix.com> wrote:
> <http://www.theawl.com/2009/11/how-to-cook-a-fucking-steak>
>
> How To Cook A Fucking Steak
>
> Go to the goddamn grocery and get steak. Yes, the grocery. A little ammonia
> is not going to kill you, you pussy. You want to be all fancy and grass-fed
> and environmentally conscious, go ahead, I don't give a shit, just get a
> fucking steak. Ribeye is good. And, yes, bone-in. Schmuck. Take the steak
> home. Get a bigass frying pan and put the shit on the stove, cranking the
> heat up as far as that fucker will go. Take a shitload of salt—rocksalt, you
> dumb motherfucker, none of that fine-grained crap here—and toss it around
> the bottom of the pan. When the pan is hot as all fuck—it should scorch the
> shit out of your finger if you're stupid enough to touch it—put the fucking
> steak on there. You can crack some pepper on the top of the steak as the
> bottom is searing, but don't even talk to me about garlic or onion powder or
> COMPOUND FUCKING BUTTER, asshole. This is steak, all you fucking need is
> salt and pepper. After a bit (3 minutes for pink, 5 for cooked good), flip
> that shit over and do the same fucking thing you just did with the other
> side, i.e. sit on your ass and wait for your motherfucking steak to be
> ready, you useless assbag. When you're done, sling that shit on a plate.
> Beringer's 1996 Cabernet Sauvignon Napa Valley Private Reserve makes an
> absolutely delightful accompaniment, particularly if you've taken care to
> let it breathe a bit before quaffing. Also, make some fucking potatoes,
> because that's what you eat with a fucking steak. God, sometimes I just want
> to smack the shit out of you.
>
>
> —Balk
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