Why Are We Fighting? How to talk to kids about war. BY LIZA FEATHERSTONE September 14, 2009
At breakfast, my three-year-old, Ivan, examines the front page of the newspaper: a picture of U.S. troops in Iraq, brandishing guns. "What's this, Mommy?" he asks. I say, "It's a picture of war. People are fighting. It's a bad situation." He studies the picture for a while, and points to the soldiers' faces. "But these are not bad guys," he says.
Shopping for a sunhat at Target, we find the boys section — even the toddler gear — thoroughly militarized. "I don't think so, sweetie," I say, as Ivan cheerfully holds up a desert-ready camouflage hat. "To me, those colors look like war. I don't like that." He inspects the hat, finding it a stylish signifier of big-boyhood. "I like war," he says, with the tone of one politely agreeing to disagree. At the Children's Place, a similarly bellicose scene awaits us: all the hats are for little Marines. This time, my son anticipates my objections: "Too much war?" he asks. "Yes," I agree. "Some people think war is good," he observes, complicating, as usual, my simplifications.
The United States has, for years now, been embroiled in two overseas wars that most adults don't even discuss with one another. Unlike the Vietnam War, or World War II, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan aren't subjects of daily kitchen table conversation. Diane Levin, a professor of early childhood education at Wheelock College and co-author of a forthcoming paper called "Out of Sight, Out of Mind, Or Is It?" argues that despite the silence, the current wars are still affecting our kids, who need to be able to talk with us about them. But most of us have no idea how to address such disturbing material, especially when our children are very young.
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