This is one of those things that drives me crazy: asking an incorrect question.
They don't care about your gender. What they care about is matching you to a database where the Male/Female distinction is asserted. The real question they should ask is: when we look you up in our database, will it say Male or Female? What does it say on the ID that you'll present to us at the security checkpoint?
That's all that matters. TSA doesn't really want you to answer the question they actually ask.
People get hung up on this stuff, though.
Remember when you were young and you changed your hair color every other week? Wasn't it funny (ha-ha!) when someone looked at your driver's license when you were buying beer and it said "Hair: brown" but you really had neon green hair? Wasn't it less funny when you went to another country?
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I have a group of friends who have been meeting nearly every Monday night for pizza, beer, and chit-chat; we've been doing it for almost 20 years. We've been going to the current place for over 10 years now. We've seen a lot of wait staff come and go, but we seem to often get new folks who ask: would you like a menu? We know the menu front and back, so we always say no. But some people take this as a sign that we only want beer and don't want to order food, and they walk away.
We should just say 'yes' to the question -- because the real question is "Would you like to order food?" -- but we're jerks. What can I say?
The really dumb thing about the recent addition of asking about gender for flying is that they are trying to avoid a simple problem: many men and women have the same first name. "Jordan Hayes" who is in the database as female is a quite different person than "Jordan Hayes" who is in the database as male. So that cuts down on a lot of headaches.
I think the transgender folks I know are already used to dealing with a particular angle on this: what's your name? The answer depends on who is asking. If it's people you meet socially, it's one thing; but if it's your employer who needs it for your W-4 ... it's quite another.
So my advice is: treat the airlines/TSA like you'd treat the payroll officer at your square workplace. Tell them what they want to hear and get on with your day.
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Doug writes:
>> But they are too stupid to call it that.
>
> No, I think it's that "sex" is rude and "gender" is politer.
Right, thinking that '"sex" is rude' is ... stupid.
/jordan