On Tue, 19 Jan 2010, Matthias Wasser wrote:
>> And overall, I gotta say, there is no comparison: my friends have 100
>> times better relations with their kids on average than my generation
>> (50) had with our parents. They're closer, they trust each more and
>> they know each other better.
>
> I'm willing to believe this, but how do you know it's not just a matter
> of switching perspective? My uneducated guess would be that most parents
> (of any given generation) have a more positive view of their
> relationships with their children than visa-versa.
I know lots of the children very well -- better in many cases than I know the parents. In fact, this is has been something I've hugely profited from. A happily childless man, I kind of assumed I'd give up the chance to have a life-long relationship with a child I loved. I bonded with my friends' kids' when they were tots, but assumed when they became teens they would have no use for me -- just like I had no use for my parents or their generation then. But it doesn't happen like that anymore. The teenage revolt that inaugurates the generation gap that never closes doesn't happen. That's a big change.
And, like I say, it's left me close to many kids -- sometimes after their parents and I have grown apart. I often see it the relationship through their eyes. And there's no doubt in my mind that they trust their parents more than I did, and with good reason, because their parents aren't clueless like mine were. And they aren't clueless because they were paying attention and listening.
But most importantly, they like their parents more than I and my generation did. And that you can see objectively. I have elective nephews who are now in their twenties who who voluntarily go on vacation with their mother or father and come back enjoying it and will do it again. I would have cut my fucking throat first.
Michael