http://www.theawl.com/2011/05/may-21-the-rapture-meets-my-40th-birthday
http://www.theawl.com/2011/05/things-we-wont-miss-missing-out-on#more
We guess this is it. Goodbye forever! Here's some of what we're glad to be skipping.
• The 2012 presidential election
• Titanic 3D
• Having to stand outside a park to finish a cigarette
• Unavoidable and mostly identical essays on the meaning of Bob Dylan on the occasion of his 70th birthday
• Unavoidable and mostly identical essays on the meaning of Bob Dylan on the occasion of his demise (I mean, stay healthy, Bob, but it's gonna happen some day)
• The rap-rock revival
• Whatever Sarah Palin does next
• Incredibly detailed analysis of Ashton Kutcher's demographic appeal on "Two and a Half Men"
• Mayor Weiner
• Next week
• Joel McHale's metamorphosis into one giant muscle
• The end of the right to organize
• Bridesmaids knock-offs
• The last print publication: Daily Beast Newsweek n+1 Cat Fancy
• Rich people living forever
• Color's IPO
• Meat grown in a lab
• Senator Jack McCain
• Senator Patrick Shriver
• Senator Dakota Fanning
• Hurley dying on his new show that is not "Lost"
• The inevitable xoJane "It Happened To Me" post about giving a handjob to Justin Bieber
• Prime Minister Justin Bieber
• The 20th anniversary celebration for the release of Totally Krossed Out
• The last polar bear
• Whatever new social networking system that I have to be on because everyone else is that replaces Facebook or Twitter
• "I'll take a decaf, please, I don't want to be up all night"
• The cancer or cancers that are almost certainly metastasizing within me as we speak
• Not being able to stand, while outside a park finishing a cigarette
• Seeing those I love and who love me age and pass away; the death of the last person who remembers me as a child; the continual reinforcement of the knowledge that life is essentially meaningless and that I have wasted so much time worrying about things that are unimportant rather than celebrating the things that bring joy; owning a suit that is worn exclusively for funerals
• Greying pubes