Personal Notes. I don't remember Jan taking me in on Dec.29, but I'm told thughconfused I was still labeled in the records a trustworthy narrator. By a c opule days later I sure as hell was not. Thee details are fading but a few remain fixed. I was in a world of paranoid delusion. (Skipping some.) These nursdes were I nvolved in a monstrous worldwide conspiracy. They were moving me from on place to another, & it occurred to me If I start swinging on them, people will get suspcicious and investigate. So I started swinging.
Another part of a paranoid triptych. I was in a passenger train moving through the Canadian Rockies, and in some kind of position of authority. Some things happened, the final cars had to be shut off when the last passenger had come forward. All clear, I gave the order. A minute later I was howling to myself: I killed a man. An almost unendurable feeling. The details are all fading; these two moments remain.
In case of misunderstanding. I have been home for two days, will continue to stay home. In _three_ lessons visiting nurses taught my wife to deliver the a-b infusion three times a day. A nurse will come once a week to change dressing, draw blood. Etc. A nurse in the hospital inserted the tube in my right arm, ran it over the shoulder towithin 2 inches of my heart. I also take one oral A-b dose a day.
Came to about 3d morning, in what they call a Posey bed. A sort of large curtain they hang you in. They let me out after awhile - but the interval was a horror of its own.
Carrol
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