We had Regina, and Orlando over for dinner the other night. Orlando was allegic to the cats. His family comes from Louisiana in the States. So he has a French cultural background. Louisiana is where the French expelled from Canada, the Acadians, settled in their migration to the States two centuries ago. Like a lot of the French, Orlando, and his whole family has quite a tradition of cooking. His family used to have a Bar B Q chain in the East Bay. The National Press used to say; Flints has the best Bar B Q in the country, but they recently closed their doors due to mismanagement.
I want to get together with Orlando, and Leon, and me to do some cooking some time.
Had a nice talk with Leon this morning. He ran into Ali on the Bart train yesterday, and wondered what was going on with her. I told him about the blow up and he said well she just needs time. She was taking the train home after spending the night with someone.
Tina: "Now this is just your imagination."
Yes of course it is. It feels very real to me right now, but it will pass. I want the feeling there. I want to experience it, but my conscious mind tells me things are ashes, when it is a feeling I could call many things, and will fade away. I hope it will fade away I mean. Lord have mercy on my poor soul if I have to live like this for any amount of time.
Thanks for the picture of Pathik.
We are going for a long walk in the East Bay hills soon. This damned depression makes it hard to be around people. I can well understand your wanting to just keep the hell away from people.
Tina: "When we are able to give ourselves the love we need, we don't need love from anyone else I'm told."
I think the first part of that is true. In other words my understanding is we need to love ourselves in order to love others. Then their love for us can be proportionate to our own sense of well being instead of a balm to our wounded souls. I think when we don't love ourselves, or more probably have some painful spots that need healing, we get into a place where another person's reality isn't clear to us, and at least for me I want something from them they can't give. That is a formula for pain. So in a sense then if I can love myself, I stop trying to get them to do something I can better do for my self. One of those better things is to find people who really can love me back and appreciating the good things I get without wanting them to be something they aren't.
The trick is to know the things we can change and let go of those things we can't. Currently I'm having a lot of trouble with the concept. Once this damned depression passes I'll probably have learned some new things. Ashes will turn to sweet rose petals. love, Doyle