Marta Russell wrote:
> > Lyle,
>
> You may already know about this one, but if not ... get a load.
>
> Marta Russell
>
> >
> >
> > -----------------------------------------------------------
> > Mr. Cranky savages "You've Got Mail"
> > -----------------------------------------------------------
> > Mr. Cranky's other new movie reviews this week include:
> > The Prince of Egypt........................(2 bombs)
> > A Simple Plan..............................(1 bomb)
> >
> > Mr. Cranky's new rental reviews this week include:
> > Halloween H2O..............................(4 bombs)
> > Lethal Weapon 4............................(Dynamite)
> > Madeline...................................(3 bombs)
> >
> > You'll find them at the Mr. Cranky site:
> > http://www.mrcranky.com/
> > Please come visit and CLICK ON THE DAMN ADS!
> > -----------------------------------------------------------
> > Mr. Cranky is sponsored this week by:
> > XOR Internet Technologies
> > Growing like a weed and HIRING!
> > Work at a company as smart as you are:
> > http://www.xor.com/jobs/
> > -----------------------------------------------------------
> >
> > "You've Got Mail"
> > Mr. Cranky's rating: 3 bombs
> >
> > The conjunction "you've" is the combination of the words
> > "you" and "have," making the title of this film "You Have
> > Got Mail," which is redundant enough to creep out the Olsen
> > twins. Undoubtedly, this was the product of the
> > grammatically-challenged losers over at America Online,
> > which is basically Internet for the mentally handicapped
> > anyway.
> >
> > Joe Fox (Tom Hanks) and Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) portray
> > members of America Online who get involved in an email
> > romance, but have never met. Who ever would have guessed
> > that a woman who spends her Friday nights trading
> > misspelled missives in online chat rooms would look more
> > like Meg Ryan than Jabba the Hutt in sweat pants? Or that
> > her mystery correspondent would be a clean-cut Tom Hanks
> > type with -- get this -- nary a single human head in his
> > freezer?
> >
> > Although each knows the other lives in New York, Kathleen,
> > owner of a small children's bookstore, is unaware that Joe
> > is actually her arch-rival, the "Fox" of the Fox Books
> > Superstore (a thinly-veiled reference to Barnes & Noble,
> > the bookseller's equivalent to the Death Star) opening up
> > down the street. The last part of this film consists of
> > twenty minutes of utterly wasted material and reminded me
> > of "Meet Joe Black" in that, once again, I begged somebody
> > to jam a nail gun into my ear and end the agony by firing
> > away like Charlton Heston at a Barney Frank fund-raiser.
> >
> > As in real life, the big superstore devours the little
> > independent store, proving that even the most loyal of
> > customers will bury a hatchet in your forehead for 30% off.
> > Of course, Kathleen learns that Joe is an okay person after
> > all, implying that once we get to know and love these big
> > chain stores, it won't matter that we're all making minimum
> > wage and getting our health care from some guy named Buck
> > who hangs out in the alley.
> >
> > -----------------------------------------------------------
> > Mr. Cranky's Rating Scale:
> > One bomb........Almost tolerable.
> > Two bombs.......Consistently annoying.
> > Three bombs.....Will require therapy after viewing.
> > Four bombs......As good as a poke in the eye with a sharp
> > stick.
> > Dynamite........So godawful that it ruptured the very
> > fabric of space and time with the sheer
> > overpowering force of its mediocrity
> > (special instances only).
> > -----------------------------------------------------------
> > YO GENIUS: This mailing is sent exclusively to those sage
> > souls who have chosen to subscribe to the Mr. Cranky
> > mailing list. If you want to unsubscribe, please follow
> > the below directions before flying into a rage and soiling
> > your Depends: Simply e-mail mrcranky-list-request at mrcranky.com
> > and include the word "unsubscribe" as the text of your
> > message.