For your charming display of exquisite abjection, here's another sonnet by Shakespeare (which may be also read as a whimsical comment upon the impossibility of 'auto-critique').
How sweet and lovely dost thou make the shame Which, like a canker in the fragrant rose, Doth spot the beauty of thy budding name! O in what sweets dost thou thy sins inclose! That tongue that tells the story of thy days (Making lascivious comments on thy sport) Cannot dispraise, but in a kind of praise, Naming thy name, blesses an ill report. O what a mansion have those vices got Which for their habitation chose out thee, Where beauty's veil doth cover every blot, And all things turns to fair that eyes can see!
Take heed (dear heart) of this large privilege:
The hardest knife ill used doth lose his edge.
Yoshie