>Who could not love a little kid.
[from D.W. Winnicott, "Hate in the Counter-Transference," The International Journal of Psycho-Analysis 30, part 2 (1949), pp. 69-74]
The mother, however, hates her infant from the word go. I believe Freud thought it possible that a mother may under certain circumstances have only love for her boy baby; but we may doubt this. We know about a mother's love and we appreciate its reality and power. Let me give some of the reasons why a mother hates her baby, even a boy.
A. The baby is not her own (mental) conception.
B. The baby is not the one of childhood play, father's child, brother's child, etc.
C. The baby is not magically produced.
D. The baby is a danger to her body in pregnancy and at birth.
E. The baby is an interference with her private life, a challenge to preoccupation.
F. To a greater or lesser extent a mother feels that her own mother demands a baby, so that her baby is produced to placate her mother.
G. The baby hurts her nipples even by suckling, which is at first a chewing activity.
H. He is ruthless, treats her as scum, an unpaid servant, a slave.
I. She has to love him, excretions and all, at any rate at the beginning, till he has doubts about himself.
J. He tries to hurt her, periodically bites her, all in love.
K. He shows disillusionment about her.
L. His excited love is cupboard love, so that having got what he wants he throws her away like orange peel.
M. The baby at first must dominate, be must be protected from coincidences, life must unfold at the baby's rate and all this needs his mother's continuous and detailed study. For instance, she must not be anxious when holding him, etc.
N. At first be does not know at all what she does or what she sacrifices for him. Especially he cannot allow for her hate.
O. He is suspicious, refuses her good food, and makes her doubt herself, but eats well with his aunt.
P. After an awful morning with him she goes out, and he smiles at a stranger, who says: 'Isn't be sweet!'
Q. If she fails him at the start she knows he will pay her out for ever.
R. He excites her but frustrates - she mustn't eat him or trade in sex with him.