Too bad that many American teenagers are not as feisty as the writer of the Open Letter to Dr. Laura:
***** The New York Times January 28, 2001, Sunday, Late Edition - Final SECTION: Section 4; Page 7; Column 1; Week in Review Desk HEADLINE: Word for Word/Saving Themselves; What Teenagers Talk About When They Talk About Chastity BYLINE: By DIANA JEAN SCHEMO
WHEN conservative Republicans in Congress tacked a last-minute amendment onto the Welfare Reform Bill in 1996, earmarking $250 million over five years to promote sexual abstinence outside of marriage, they ushered a movement from its traditional home in the religious right into the mainstream. By 1999, nearly one in four public school teachers said they taught about abstaining from sex until marriage as the only way to avoid pregnancy and disease, up from 1 in 50 in 1988.
Abstinence courses tell youngsters to resist what they may feel are demands to give up their virginity, but the classes counter with their own brand of pressure, which celebrates chastity as proof of character. To the dismay of the nation's top health and H.I.V.-prevention experts, strict abstinence courses offer no advice for the half of all adolescents who are sexually active, except to deride contraception as unreliable.
No universally recognized studies have demonstrated that abstinence classes succeed in bringing more virgins to the marriage altar. But recent research has shown that 15- and 16-year-olds who take voluntary chastity pledges under certain conditions avoid sex a third longer (up to 18 months) than teenagers of similar backgrounds who make no such promise -- provided, surprisingly, that abstinence has not become the dominant standard in a given school.
Those results -- like the following testimonials from the Web site of True Love Waits (www.truelovewaits.com), an abstinence group that grew out of the Southern Baptist Convention -- suggest that by offering teenagers a way to separate themselves from their peers, the pledges may afford teenagers a sense of identity on an uncertain, sometimes excrutiating, stretch of the road to becoming an adult. DIANA JEAN SCHEMO
The pledge:
Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate and my future children to be sexually abstinent from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship.
Heidi, who says she was saved as a 4-year-old when a Christian family took her in, tells how she came to prize something she had never given much thought to: her chastity.
My teacher began the message by passing around a pink rose. She told us to tear off a petal, then pass it on to the next. Then they would tear off a petal and so on. After the rose returned to our leader, it was withered with only a few petals remaining. She then took another rose that hadn't been torn and compared it....She told our class, "God has made every last one of you beautiful, and he has given all of you a gift. That gift is your virginity. When we passed this rose around and tore the petals off, it got less and less beautiful. Now which rose would you want on your corsage? This nearly perfect rose, or the other one who has been stripped of its beauty."...
That question just stuck with me....So that night I promised, in front of 17 people, that I would stay pure until I'm married. They gave us a rose to remind us of our promise. I plan to get a box and put the rose and commitment card which reads the day on which I chose to stay pure. I plan to give that box to my husband the night of my honeymoon, and I know I will feel proud of myself for beating all odds and staying pure....I encourage each and every one of you to keep your promise to stay pure. For I know the night I chose to stay pure was the most joyful night of my life.
In another open letter, Mary describes how she discovered redemption, after salvaging what she could of the virginity she had lost.
Dear brothers and sisters in Christ,
. . . I'm writing to explain the life of a "new virgin" to those that may have lost their virginity, and to tell them how they can become a "new virgin." . . .
I am 16 years old right now, and I lost my virginity when I was 13. It was the biggest mistake of my life, but at the same time, it was also the best lesson I have ever learned. For two years I totally hated myself for what I did. Not only did I take away practically the one most important thing I could have given my husband, I let God down. That was probably the worst part. For two years I pleaded with God to forgive me. I would have even cried myself to sleep. It is very painful knowing you lost something you can never have back. It wasn't until the summer of '98 that I understood the meaning of forgiveness of all sins.
I had attended a Christian youth camp....Since I had lost my virginity, I had been carrying around this huge burden that hung over me, weighing me down, and keeping me from being closer in my walk with God. While I was there, I talked to a youth leader and explained my situation. They told me if I ask for forgiveness, God would forgive me. He (God) would even make me pure in His eyes, and pure in my husband's eyes. I wanted so desperately to believe them, but Satan was still pulling at me, telling me I would never be clean enough for anyone.
A few days after coming home from camp, I was having my usual prayer before bed and asking God to show me He had forgiven me. When I was finished praying, God told me to open my Bible to John 15:3...It said: "You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you." I couldn't believe it!!! God had spoken to me so clearly! I cried tears of thanks that night. . . .
Just because you lost your virginity doesn't mean you are worthless and don't have anything to give your future spouse. If you ask God to forgive you, and are totally serious about it, He WILL forgive you. Now, I am in no way saying you can go out and be sexually active and ask God to forgive you and everything will be okay. I am just saying for those of you that may have already lost it, God will forgive you. You don't need to live with the burden anymore. Just ask God. You will be a totally new person.
Another testimonial suggests the loneliness of one teenager, Amelia, who holds fast to her pledge of abstinence, as her friends give up theirs.
Last year I signed a card that showed the world that I would remain a virgin until marriage. I'm only 14, and even being so young, the temptations are great. Along with me my friends also signed a card. I know that to many of them this was a big deal and to some it was just something they could do to be more popular.
The ones that did it to be popular broke their promises, and when you ask them why, they say it was just too hard. Many of them go out and party and get drunk, and it's all downhill from there.
After seeing what they are doing to themselves, I strive to keep my promise to myself and not only for myself but for them also because I want to show them that it is possible. I urge anyone who reads this that maybe has already broken their promise to get another card and check the box that says "from this point on I will stay sexually abstinent." I believe that good things come to those who wait, and that the greatest thing you can give to your future partner in marriage is a clean slate. I know it will be the greatest thing on my wedding night because I will be "unwrapped and untouched."
A boyfriend's support surprised one girl.
I am 18 years old, and I have been a Christian since 1996....I have had a steady boyfriend who wasn't a Christian, and I told him that I wasn't going to have sex with him. To my surprise he didn't mind and even encouraged me to wait. I was so glad because I really loved him. Things didn't work out in the end, but it just goes to show that not all men are interested in having sex before marriage. I didn't think I'd ever meet one who was willing to wait, but I was wrong. I am a virgin and proud to be!! It hasn't always been easy though. I have had plenty of times when I could have lost it, but I just think W.W.J.D. (What would Jesus Do) and it has worked! Praise God!
Most of the testimonials are from girls. Here is an exception, signed "Rob." Jaci Velasquez is a Christian singer who has publicly embraced the abstinence cause.
I am 19 years old. I made the commitment to myself back in July after seeing Jaci Velasquez in concert. Before the concert, once I came so close to making that mistake. Thank God we didn't. I thank God for bringing Jaci into my life. Through her, I have made this commitment. My thought now is, if they love you enough, and you love them enough, they will respect your decision to wait until marriage. Plus, it is also the right thing to do. Please pray for me and all of the other people who have made the commitment. I will be praying for all of you.
Other Words for 'No'
The National Abstinence Clearinghouse, based in South Dakota, distributes stickers, buttons, pencils and lollipops featuring abstinence slogans and publishes "25 Ways to Say No." A sampling:
1. Prove you love ME by waiting.
2. I look much better with my clothes on.
3. I'd hate to lose my virginity; I've heard it's hard to find.
4. If you think I'm going to fall for that, you obviously don't know me as well as you think you do.
5. Real men don't even ask.
6. I'd rather break up than break out with herpes.
7. I may be square today, but at least I'll be around tomorrow.
GRAPHIC: Photo: Advertising a sense of commitment. (Tony Cenicola for The New York Times) *****
I just shows you that only atheists take God & the Bible as seriously as we do....
Yoshie