<forwarded> Let's hear it for John Richard of Lincolnshire, England, who has taken up the fight against one of the most egregious societal abuses of modern times: misplaced apostrophes.
Why is a 75-year-old former copy editor taking up this cause you ask? Well, for one thing, he's been mixing his medications. But he also has had enough of seeing signs that read "Apple's and pear's for sale," so he launched the Apostrophe Protection Society. The Society (actually it's just Richard and his son, Stephen) sends letters to shopkeepers and the like who have been less than meticulous about their apostrophe-related punctuation. I hope he's got a lot of stamps.
As Benjamin Franklin so aptly put it in one of his maxims: "If a man useth an apostrophe in a word, and the apostrophe he wishes to use is an apostrophe which needn't be used, then the man who does useth such an apostrophe should not useth the apostrophe he's thinking of using lest he useth the apostrophe as an apostrophe which wasn't designeth to be useth." Or words to that effect. I have the exact quote around here somewhere. :o)
On their surface, apostrophes are comparatively straightforward: You use them basically to create contractions or to indicate possession. If Jim names his liquor store after himself, he possesses it and the apostrophe tells you so: Jim's Liquors (as opposed to, and I've seen it, Jims Liquor's).
Contractions are simply two words squashed into one. Instead of saying "I will," one can use the contraction "I'll." Of course, you can only do this with certain words. You can't roll a phrase like "Presidential veto" into the contraction "Pre'to" (although I don't think anyone would be surprised if the current office holder tries).
But for some reason, when it comes to apostrophes, many writers seem to follow the incorrect maxim, "When in doubt, better not go without." This explains a breakfast menu I once saw alerting me that a special includes "egg's, sausage's and roll's" (which borders on ironic since the eatery was called "Marys Diner").
One Englishman wrote the Apostrophe Society to report he'd seen a sign advertising "Golden Deliciou's" apples. That seems a tad hard to believe. Next thing you know, there'll be reports of some station offering "unleaded ga's."
There is a chain of discount stores near where I live named (and I'm not making this up): "Odd's and End's." I've never figured out if they mean "Odd is and End is" or if they mean "belonging to Odd and belonging to End." (My guess is, neither!)
Now if I see a sign that says "Cucumber's for sale" or "Marvins Furs," I don't automatically question the quality of the cucumbers or the furs. But when I catch a typo or some other error, the inclination is to wonder whether there are any other inaccuracies lurking about. I mean, can you really trust their product?
All of which is why I'll be working hard to ensure I don't receive any letters from Mr. John Richard of Lincolnshire, England. Because, as Shakespeare once said....... oh, never mind!
And now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to proofread this message eight or nine times before I send it.
Jerry Taylor Technology Integration Teacher Greece, NY School District Web page - jerrytaylor.homestead.com
(With help from Kevin Frisch.)
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