men & sex

[joanna bujes]

At 03:23 AM 06/09/2001 -0400, kelly wrote:
>but anyway, i think joanna that you assumed that anonymous sex means
>promiscuity and that it means that it is compulsive. i'd disagree! at least
>as Warner meant it, it was certainly not meant to be compulsory.
>
>there are some gay men who really love the kind of anonymous sex that
>frequently takes place at glory holes. there's a site on the net, can't
>recall where, which has a typical structure to it (FAQ, commentary, etc)
>where you can read gay men talking about how much they enjoy the anonymity
>that those venues provide. it is highly eroticized --that's what seems
>different to hets i think. they don't have similarly tightknit sexual
>practices built around a specific thing or set of things --that seem
>obvious to hets anyway.  but this is because hetsex is hegemonic. gay
>homosex is not and it takes place under conditions of repression. it is not
>surprising that countervailing and rather different practices emerge to
>deal with that. and it's not surprising that an iconography emerges around
>eroticized practices.  a culture emerges. it's inevitable under such
>conditions, it seems to me. but in part, this is what joe noonan and i are
>getting at in our critique of the "normalizing" assumptions that there is a
>"real" gay and lesbian identity that makes one a priori part of a community.

I live in the Bay area, where it seems (to me) that gay sex does not take 
place under conditions of repression. Gay couples routinely stroll by 
holding hands, kissing, etc.; they can adopt children (or have them 
themelves) etc. So, unless, you disagree with that, you still need to 
explain the "countervailing" practices. What I'm starting to seriously 
wonder about is whether men, in general, do not feel guiltier about sex 
than women. I know this is an odd hypothesis -- because they are the ones 
who are out there: at the glory holes and they're the ones who go to 
prostitutes etc. But, this to me suggests the opposite of comfort. I mean, 
if I felt entitled to something that was good, why would I need to 1) pay 
for it and 2) make such a big point of having it publicly/anonymously, 
whatever ...

And please, this is not an anti gay thing.  I'd label myself bi--so I don't 
think it's that. Just trying to think things through despite the stereotypes.

Joanna Bujes