AS IF Not Exactly the Most Reliable Way to Run a War, IMHO
By ROY RIVENBURG, Times Staff Writer
Will fighting forces be wired for combat? AP
News item: The U.S. Army is considering a program to give every soldier a hand-held computer equipped with wireless Internet access. "This has the potential to greatly enhance the Army's ability to fight," said one defense analyst.
Then again . . .
E-mail from: Sgt. Bill Koe
To: B Company troops
Subject: Attack enemy position NOW!
Operation Desert Drizzle is now officially underway, men. This is a tightly coordinated land, sea and air attack. Our specific mission is detailed in the attached map file. I'm also sending a jpg file containing a blessing from our chaplain.
From: Pvt. G. Pyle
To: Sgt. Bill Koe
Sarge, we need to postpone. Henderson's server crashed; Ballard and Smith are in the middle of downloading songs off Napster; and I just got to Level Eight on Donkey Kong, which I've never done before. I can't stop now.
From: Cpl. Agarn
To: Sgt. Bill Koe
Sir, there's a virus in the chaplain attachment. It won't open.
From: B Company
To: 38th Artillery Brigade
Dudes, we're pinned down by sniper fire. :-(
Need you to shell the coordinates marked on attached file.
From: 38th Artillery Brigade
To: B Company
Roger. Fed your data into Microsoft Blitzkrieg 5.0. Should take care of sniper problem. ;-)
From: B Company
To: 38th Artillery Brigade
Oops, you just blew up the Belgian Embassy. LOL.
From: 38th Artillery Brigade
To: B Company
Ha. I knew we should've upgraded to Blitzkrieg 5.2. Hang on, will try again. In meantime, check out the babes at www.hotmilitarymamas.com.
From: Col. Robert Hogan
To: 29th Regiment--All Officers and Soldiers
Preliminary reconnaissance indicates that 38% of Air Force's "smart bombs" failed to detonate or veered off course. Recommend logging onto E-Trade ASAP and selling your defense stocks before news breaks back home.
From: Pfc. Ryan
To: killkillkill at aol.com, bmurray at doowahdiddy.org, binghampton at makewarnotlove.net, harrison at UNpeacekeeper.com, duvall22 at lovethesmellofnapalminmorning.com
This is not a joke! I am forwarding this e-mail because the person who sent it to me studied law in ROTC and says it's for real. The U.S. Army and Microsoft are considering a merger to form a corporate military power capable of ruling the world. As a prelude to assuming total control over every aspect of our lives, Microsoft is running an e-mail beta test. When you forward this e-mail to other soldiers, the CIA will track it and the Army will increase your veterans benefits by $5 a year per forward. If you send it to 100 people, you will also be given a Silver Star. If you forward it to 1,000 people, you will be named commander of an entire city under the new Microsoft regime. Maybe this is bogus, but what have we got to lose??!!? Send this e-mail to every soldier you know!
From: B Company
To: Allied Command HQ
May Day! We've just captured the enemy's secret antiaircraft headquarters but need IMMEDIATE REINFORCEMENTS or we could be driven out.
From: Mail Delivery Subsystem
To: B Company
DELIVERY FAILURE. Error code 255: Message did not reach intended recipient due to system delays. Try again later.