I do not know whether you experienced the dubious joy of having a child, especially a "problem" one - but the above posting looks like you are merely reciting a "politically correct" line without having much first-hand experience. But try to imagine following situations:
1. your child age 9 asks you to buy something in a store, you refuse, the child starts screaming, punching and throwing things at you - would you give that child what it "needs"?
2. you decide not to, take that running amok child by the hand to the parking lot, put it in your car, while being called by that child names that would make most people blush, and drive home;
3. about 20 minutes later, a police car stops in front of your house, a policeman enters your house to look for potential child abuse, because someone at that parking lot made a report; then for the next 8 weeks you attend hearings at the state child welfare agency trying to prove that you did not abuse your child. Since you are a single working class mom, each of those hearings requires you take a day off from work, which has an impact on your already meager income. Even if you manage to get off the hook this time, the agency keeps a permanent record on you.
Steps 1-3 repeat periodically in various settings, but the key elements (e.g. tantrums, aggression and other people witnessing it) are basically the same.
Now, tell me, super-mom, what would you do in such a situation:
1. give the child what it needs (or rather demands) to let it "thrive;" 2. ask state mental health agency for preventive care only to learn than none is available; 3. wait until your child is placed in a foster care or detention facility; 4. beat the living shit of the child to live up to your "abusive parent" reputation; 5. go to a doctor and obtain a prescription drug that prevents further outbursts of the said behaviour (even if you have to pay $80 for a visit, it is much cheaper than attending hearings and being billed for foster care).
wojtek