Wojtek Sokolowski wrote:
>
> I do not know whether you experienced the dubious joy of having a child,
> especially a "problem" one - but the above posting looks like you are
> merely reciting a "politically correct" line without having much first-hand
> experience.
"dubious joy?' there you go again. Attitude attitude. Yes mine is now 20 years old and I have worked at a preschool coop with many many children so I think I qualify as experienced.
But try to imagine following situations:
>
> 1. your child age 9 asks you to buy something in a store, you refuse, the
> child starts screaming, punching and throwing things at you - would you
> give that child what it "needs"?
You are assuming that what the child needs is what the child wants.
Not always the same thing.
>
> 2. you decide not to, take that running amok child by the hand to the
> parking lot, put it in your car, while being called by that child names
> that would make most people blush, and drive home;
It is always best to explain to a tantrum child (calmly, not becoming
a tantrum maker yourself, which you certainly sound capable of) that
mommy or daddy did not come to the store for that item and that we are
not going to get it. Tell the child that if the child cannot calm
down that you will pick the child up and leave the store.
>
> 3. about 20 minutes later, a police car stops in front of your house, a
> policeman enters your house to look for potential child abuse, because
> someone at that parking lot made a report; then for the next 8 weeks you
> attend hearings at the state child welfare agency trying to prove that you
> did not abuse your child. Since you are a single working class mom, each
> of those hearings requires you take a day off from work, which has an
> impact on your already meager income. Even if you manage to get off the
> hook this time, the agency keeps a permanent record on you.
I have never heard of this happening to anyone I know and I know lots
of parents but I don't doubt that it may have happened to you.
>
> Steps 1-3 repeat periodically in various settings, but the key elements
> (e.g. tantrums, aggression and other people witnessing it) are basically
> the same.
>
> Now, tell me, super-mom, what would you do in such a situation:
>
> 1. give the child what it needs (or rather demands) to let it "thrive;"
> 2. ask state mental health agency for preventive care only to learn than
> none is available;
see above
> 3. wait until your child is placed in a foster care or detention facility;
> 4. beat the living shit of the child to live up to your "abusive parent"
> reputation;
see above
> 5. go to a doctor and obtain a prescription drug that prevents further
> outbursts of the said behaviour (even if you have to pay $80 for a visit,
> it is much cheaper than attending hearings and being billed for foster care).
Temper tantrums - for young children - are a part of life. They have been there forever and to drug children for being children is a crime. They are written about in every major book on childrearing and parents have been dealing with them without going to a doctor to numb the child into oblivion. That really sets a horrible example. The child learns that pills are solutions, not interaction with others, not loving hugs, etc. Ugh. Marta