"War on Terrorism" Extended to Amish

[Thomas Seay]

   Dayton, Ohio (Reuters)
   In an unprecedented move today, the President,
while visiting an elementary school in Troy, Ohio, 
   explained to reporters that the "War on Terrorism"
would include domestic terrorist groups. When
   asked for specifics, he responded that the CIA has
been closely monitoring groups such as the Aryan
   Nation, the Revolutionary AntiPatriarchal
League(RAL),and the Amish Seperatist Army(ASA).

   <<These groups need to get their houses in order.
   They do not reflect the values of America and
should be considered as much part of the axis of evil
   as N. Korea, Iran and Iraq.>>

   When asked if any actions were planned, he said,
<<We're putting groups like the ASA on call. I
   have asked the National Guard to send 3000 troops
to Lancaster County Pennsylvania where
   they will patrol the area and smoke out any cells
the ASA may have operative in that region. We may
   not 
   get them today or tomorrow. But believe me, we will
get them.>>

   When asked why the ASA was being singled out, the
Commander-In-Chief stated, <<Look at them
   [the Amish]. You know that they have ties with the
Al-Qaeda network...I mean look at the beards
   on those guys and the dresses their women wear.>>

   On an unrelated note, White House spokesman, Ari
Fleisher confirmed that Vice-President Dick
   Cheney was safe in a a bunker in some unspecified
location. Fleisher said,"Yes, he will remain there
   until those jokes about there being a 'Bush' and a
   'Dick' in the White House quiet down". 
    


=====
"The tradition of all the dead generations
 weighs like a nightmare on the brain of the living"

-Karl Marx

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