R
At 12:13 AM 1/14/2002 -0500, you wrote:
>U.S. president survives terrorist attack (from Dissociated Press, 13/01/02)
>
>U.S. President George "Dubya" Bush tonight was recovering from an
>assassination attempt by a terrorist Pretzel (or, as the president said,
>"Pretzelian"). Although he fell off his couch and remained unconscious
>for "several seconds" (according to occasionally reliable White House
>sources), the president was said by those sources to be recovering
>well, and was in control of the government as usual.
>
>Pentagon sources said that this outrageous attack, thought to have
>been planned by the recently disappeared Usama Bin Laden, would
>not be tolerated. Bombing of Pretzlistan was scheduled to begin as
>soon as a map could be found on which that reclusive emirate could
>be located.
>
>The White House characterized as "absurd and unfounded" assertions
>that Bush had invented the incident as a pretext to force the
>Pretzlistan government to permit construction of a beer pipeline
>through its territory and that he had previously accepted large
>campaign contributions from Pretzlian nobles. The spokesman said
>"It is well known that the prez is a putz, not a pretz." Speaking
>for Phillip Morris, brewers of Miller Highlife and other quality products,
>corporate spokesman Johnny confirmed this: "The prez is not a
>pretz. He is a born-again teetotaller, and only a putz would try
>to eat pretzels without beer."
>
>Vice-President Chaney, as usual, was in an undisclosed secure
>location and could not be reached for comment