>After the war started, Stewart had the following conversations with
>Colbert, who was wearing his "senior media analyst" hat:
>
>Stewart: What should the media's role be in covering the war?
>
>Colbert: Very simply, the media's role should be the accurate and
>objective description of the hellacious ass-whomping we're handing
>the Iraqis.
>
>Stewart: Hellacious ass-whomping? Now to me, that sounds pretty subjective.
>
>Colbert: Are you saying it's not an ass-whomping, Jon? I suppose you
>could call it an ass-kicking or an ass-handing-to. Unless, of
>course, you love Hitler.
>
>Stewart [stammering]: I don't love Hitler.
>
>Colbert: Spoken like a true Hitler-lover.
>
>Stewart: Look, even some American generals have said that the Iraqis
>have put up more resistance than they were expected to.
>
>Colbert: First rule of journalism, Jon, is to know your sources.
>Sounds like these "generals" of yours may be a little light in the
>combat boots, if you know what I'm saying.
>
>Stewart: I don't think I know what you're saying.
>
>Colbert: I'm saying they're queers, Jon. They're Hitler-loving queers.
>
>Stewart: I'm perplexed. Is your position that there's no place for
>negative words or even thoughts in the media?
>
>Colbert: Not at all, Jon. Doubts can happen to everyone, including
>me, but as a responsible journalist, I've taken my doubts, fears,
>moral compass, conscience and all-pervading skepticism about the
>very nature of this war and simply placed them in this empty Altoids
>box. [Produces box.] That's where they'll stay, safe and sound,
>until Iraq is liberated.
>
>Stewart: Isn't it the media's responsibility in wartime ...
>
>Colbert: That's my point, Jon! The media has no responsibility in
>wartime. The government's on top of it. The media can sit this one
>out.
>
>Stewart: And do what?
>
>Colbert: Everything it's always wanted to do but had no time for:
>travel, see the world, write that novel. I know the media has always
>wanted to try yoga. This is a great time to take it up. It's very
>stressful out there -- huge war going on. Jon, hear me out, it was
>Thomas Jefferson who said, "Everyone imposes his own system as far
>as his army can reach."
>
>Stewart: Stephen, Stalin said that. That was Stalin. Jefferson said
>he'd rather have a free press and no government than a government
>and no free press.
>
>Colbert: Well, what do you expect from a slave-banging, Hitler-loving queer?