>Once again, The Onion put it best:
...and don't forget:
>Dow Up 300 After Deaths Of 400
>NEW YORK-Buoyed by positive news from the war front, the Dow Jones
>Industrial Average soared more than 300 points Monday after the
>killing of more than 400 Republican Guard soldiers near the northern
>Iraqi town of Mosul. "These deaths have really boosted investor
>optimism and confidence," New York Stock Exchange chairman Dick
>Grasso said. "Before this, we'd tried lowering interest rates,
>lowering taxes, and all sorts of other things to jump-start the
>market, but nothing worked. Lowering the population of Iraq finally
>seems to be doing the trick."