>jks wrote:
> >I don't understand how this idea is supposed to be
> >patriarchical unless it is not reciprocal, i.e.,
> >unless the idea is that a woman may not also go
> >elsewhere if she isn't getting (ebough) sex from her
> >husband,m or theright sort. Are you saying that if you
> >don't get enough sex from your spouse, you should
> >either forego it or get a divorce, regardless of the
> >other costs, for example to the kids, and indeed the
> >benefits of the relationship, which need not all be
> >sexual? That sounds very rigid and Puritanical to me,
> >bot at all like you, Kells. jks
>
>It depends on the circumstance, of course, but in some cases
>withholding sex,
>say as part of a fight, is the leverage point for the person with less
>power
>in the relationship. So when that is easily evaded, by men going
>elsewhere,
>it means women have less leverage. Sort of like 'striker
>replacement.'
Arlie Hochschild talks about this in _Second Shift_. Some of the women ended up not only being too tired to deal with job, kids, and romanitic life, they were resentful that their husbands dug in their heels and refused to pick up their full share of the second shift.
A few years ago, my partner and I were cleaning up after dinner, listening to NPR. They featured the research findings of a pair of researchers who discovered--lo!--that married men who had the most sex also did their share or very close to it of the housework. WOW! who knew!
as for the assumptions you make Justin, obviously i was talking about norms. do i have to agree with them or be an ardent supporter of them in order to describe them? and, yes, i think (more so in the past) that there is a double standard at play here. and the double standard continues to make the power differential palpable in het couples' lives. if a woman is spending her free time dallying with a lover, she's subject to the judgment of not being a good mother. this doesn't apply to men who look for sex elsewhere. if the couple isn't sharing the housework burden, then one member of the couple has more time to look for sex.
kelley