> Now, let's ask ourselves a simple question. All of the above are
> reasonable, likely, and non-violent. The fact that men turn to them is
> indicated by the size of the porn industry (1 and 2), the popularity of
> bars (2 and 3), and the continuing enthusiasm for hookers among many
> men (4). So, why does Jon feel compelled to leap to violence and rape
> as the most likely results?
Because I had in mind the sort of guy who would probably object to his wife not fulfilling her "wifely duties" to his satisfaction. Naturally, it is unlikely he would seek relief in court (unless he was some sort of legal fetishist).
But neither pornography, bars, prostitutes, or (to mention another popular alternative) Internet sex are good choices either. His problem, almost certainly, is that his wife or lady friend has gotten increasingly turned off by the way he is treating her and has gone on strike in protest. And this is almost certainly because she is afraid that telling him precisely what she is dissatisfied with would result in wife abuse, so she hopes that just going on strike will be the safest course. (Parenthetical caution: But we must always remember that human relationships are extremely complex and varied, and close relationships involving sex (hetero, homo, or whatever) are probably the most complex, so generalizations are very dangerous.)
If only the guy realized that couples counseling, or if possible, a frank, open talk with his partner, would be by far his best line of action, because only it would lead him to increased insight into himself, which would be far more valuable than anything he would get from your alternatives (1)-(4) or Internet sex. (Or just an old-fashioned affair.) But American men, especially, tend to find looking at and into themselves extraordinarily difficult, dangerous, and just too painful to contemplate, having been raised in a culture that has always prized the solution of pulling up stakes and "lighting out for the West" whenever you have difficulties where you are.
(Of course, as Joanna points out, male partners also go on strike. But their female partners are, I assume, much less likely to resort to violence or fear seeking self-knowledge.)
Jon Johanning // jjohanning at igc.org ______________________________ If I have seen further than others, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.-- Isaac Newton If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders.-- Hal Abelson, MIT professor