>February 17 2003...[columnist] Armando Iannucci offers a collection of Colin
>Powell's useful facts relating to the proposed actions in the Gulf region.
>
>A collection of Colin Powell's useful facts relating
>to the proposed actions in the Gulf region.
>
>A: Seven proofs of links between Saddam and al-Qaeda.
>
>1. On an audiotape, Osama bin Laden calls Iraq a
>"stinking cesspit of socialist debauchery". This
>criticism is much less hostile than the sort of thing
>he says about America, thus proving al-Qaeda has warm
>feelings towards Saddam Hussein.
>
>2. Our surveillance has picked up chatter from
>al-Qaeda operatives talking about organising a
>"rendezvous". "Rendezvous" is a French word, and
>France has constantly obstructed American attempts to
>impose regime change in Iraq. So again, we see a clear
>connection between al-Qaeda and Iraq.
>
>3. Our spy planes have photographed Saddam's deputy
>prime minister being driven in a motorcade of Mercedes
>cars. Mercedes is a German car, and Germany is in
>league with France to destroy America, like al-Qaeda.
>Therefore, etc.
>
>4. The number plate on one of these cars was A03A0 1A,
>which, in the rear mirror of the car in front, spells
>al-Qaeda.
>
>5. The motorcade was moving in an easterly direction
>through Baghdad. If you move in an easterly direction
>through France, you get to Germany.
>
>6. Saddam is another Hitler. Germany had a Hitler.
>Again, a direct link with al-Qaeda.
>
>7. Al-Qaeda operatives have recently been arrested in
>London. The Prime Minister of London, Tony Blair, then
>visited France for a meeting with Jacques Chirac.
>Chirac then visited Bonn to celebrate 40 years of his
>alliance with Gerhard Schroeder of Germany. Schroeder
>had a meeting with Putin of Russia, who then received
>Hans Blix, who went to Baghdad. Again, proof of a
>direct link.
>
>B: Five fascinating facts about Iraq.
>
>1. Iraq is slightly more than twice the size of Idaho,
>occupying an area the equivalent of 500,000 American
>aircraft carriers.
>
>2. Iraq has 57 kilometres of coastline. That's the
>equivalent of 300,000 Apache attack helicopters
>stretching 57 kilometres.
>
>3. Iraq was once part of the Ottoman Empire, a land
>mass which, if turned into flour, would be enough to
>feed bread to the children of Iraq for 100 years. But
>Saddam refuses to do this and instead spends his money
>on presidential palaces, which, if converted to milk,
>would be enough to fill all the oil wells of the
>Middle East for a fortnight. That's why we have to
>stop him getting to the wells before he does this.
>
>4. Iraq has 35,000 square kilometres of irrigated
>land. That's the equivalent of 300 million bottles of
>anthrax end to end. So where are they?
>
>5. Iraqis consume 27.3 billion kWh of electricity
>every year, enough to power one Star-Wars style
>anti-missile system. So where is it, and who's it
>pointing at?
>
>C: The United Nations constitution explained once and
>for all.
>
>1. The UN has a 15-member Security Council, of which
>France, Britain, China, Russia and America are
>permanent members, with veto rights.
>
>2. The UN Charter allows for the permanent members to
>use their veto to overrule any majority decision of
>the council with which they disagree.
>
>3. This is not applicable in cases where France, China
>or Russia use their veto in unreasonable cases,
>"unreasonable" being defined as a veto against any
>recent council majority decisions supported by Britain
>or America.
>
>4. In these cases, the charter will probably allow
>America or Britain to veto that veto, thus upholding
>the earlier unvetoed will of the council, unless the
>council arrives at a majority decision contrary to the
>wishes of America or Britain, in which case all the
>permanent members of the council ought to be obliged
>to veto it, or to veto any attempt to veto the veto.
>
>Armando Iannucci is a columnist with The Daily Telegraph, London.
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