Quoting Chuck Grimes <cgrimes at rawbw.com>:
>
>
> If I want parenting advice from you, I'll ask for it. My daughter's
> 13. I also remember what I and my sisters and friends were like at
> 16. As long as the law makes me legally responsible for my kids till
> the're 18, I'm gonna use my repressive, paternalistic, authoritarian,
> patriachial power. Sorry if you disapprove. But not too sorry. It's
> not your damn business. jks
>
> ----------------
>
> Well, Mister Crabby,
>
> sounds like you've got a few issues. Just for the record, I didn't
> mention your daughter, you did. I wasn't offering any advice on
> raising your kids either, except to note you sounded nervous about
> it. You sound worse today than yesterday. Must be a bad hair week.
>
> I will add this though. I tried repressive, paternalistic,
> authoritarian and patriarchal power, all enabled and cheered on by my
> wife, while we were still married, on a miserable little eight year
> old. I thought he was screwing around, not paying attention and not
> doing his work in school. I got the expected sullen, pouty, silent
> reaction, that belies a burning inarticulate rage. Looked mighty
> damned familiar to me.
>
> After going to an appointment with his teacher, and listening to her
> well reasoned complaints, I had to reflect long and hard about what
> was really going on. To all apparence, he was reacting to her and my
> authority trip.
>
> So I went out to find the most hippy, free love, big titted, (probably
> dope smoking) warm loving and smart teacher I could and moved his ass
> into another school where the anal atmosphere was zero.
>
> They had smaller classes, more fun stuff to do, lots of messy things
> like pottery, junk collections to build stuff, open classes with work
> areas, multiple aged and tiered study groups. It was private, but
> cheap and I could work off some of the expense by working on field
> trips and clean up days. The teachers ran the school as a collective.
> They were all public school teacher drop outs who were fed up with
> following the school district's curriculum and not their own, dealing
> with discipline problems all day, and having no interaction with the
> parents. It was basically what most public school teachers always
> wanted to do, but couldn't. The field trips and over nights were
> great, because both his teachers were into the same things I was:
> rafting, skiing, camping, and nature sight-seeing at the ocean or
> mountains. That was mostly his first teacher. She was a white water
> rafter (fifth grade). His second teacher (sixth grade) was into
> reading the paper, arguing, writing about politics, social problems,
> what to do with yourself in life, etc.
>
> Another good thing they did was make sure the school was well
> integrated---not just white and black, but hispanic, asian, and
> foriegn born. Poorer parents paid less with a few who paid nothing.
>
> It was a great experience and everyone of his problems evaporated like
> magic. Of course he got other ones, but they were not the sort that
> smelled like infinite trouble later on. The other cool thing was I got
> to work on planning, organizing, and working on the field trips with
> the kids and teachers. So I got to watch my kid completely outside of
> a home environment with his friends and teachers. That is really not
> very common. After a couple of year breather in collective hippydom,
> we switch him back to public school starting seventh grade and he did
> fine after that.
>
> After these experiences I decided that authority trips were obnoxious
> nasty and actually harmful, plus they didn't work. It was very helpful
> to learn from the teachers too. They had a zillion tricks to get
> around the usual stubborn, sullen, and combative noise that kids
> generate. On the other hand, heavy handed authority just breeds
> hatred, rage, resistance, self-loathing, rebellion, and all manner of
> pathologies. I suspect it even fucks up your language
> skills---consider Judith Butler. Very bad for psychic health all
> around.
>
> Chuck Grimes
>
>
>
>
>
>
-- Dr Catherine Driscoll School of Philosophical and Historical Inquiry University of Sydney Phone (61-2) 93569503
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