Jew Gotta Be Kidding by Howard Altman
Barry Morrison, executive director of the Philadelphia branch of the Anti-Defamation League (ADL), is on the line, reminding me about the time when a guy suggested that someone slit my throat, like they did to Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl.
Oh yeah.
The guy who called me a "Jew spy" for reporting where Dick Cheney hides.
After a few minutes of chitchat about old times, Morrison segues into a discussion about a group that believes in "reparations" -- payments to blacks as compensation for the ills imposed on African slaves.
Reparations? The ADL wants to know from reparations?
Well, sort of.
Morrison asks me if I know about the reparations conference being held in Philly over the weekend.
I tell him I do.
He asks if I am going.
Probably not, I answer. Why?
And here comes the punch line to this story.
With the reparationistas in town, Morrison asks me how I would like to spy on them for him.
The invitation, let me tell you, shocks and offends.
If I didn't spy for the FBI when they asked me to lure an espionage suspect into a sting, why would I spy for Morrison and the ADL?
He is dismayed a bit when I tell him I won't do it.
There will be some anti-Semitic nutballs in town to discuss whether the United States should pay reparations, he argues. People like Dr. Leonard Jeffries, the CUNY professor who once referred to Jews as "skunks."
The ADL wants to know what they are up to, but they can't get anyone in.
"Can you or one of your reporters give us some information?" Morrison asks.
I am not a big fan of reparations. Then again, I don't want any money from the families of Nazis.
But regardless of what I think about reparations, and regardless that I feel that Morrison's outfit does important work, there is no way I am going to give any information to the ADL.
Or anyone else.
Basically, I tell him to yentz.
"We don't gather information for anyone but our readers," I tell Morrison.
The 12th Session of the International Tribunal on Reparations for African People in the U.S. takes place in Philadelphia this Saturday and Sunday (Nov. 15-16) at International House.
I really didn't want to know this, but thanks to Morrison's call, now I have to find out.
Fortunately, the tribunal sent me an agenda.
According to a PDF sent out by Uhuru, the organization of angry young white people who sell overpriced used furniture, the tribunal will meet over the course of the weekend.
Saturday, the subject is "police brutality."
The lineup is quite interesting.
NYC Councilman Charles Barron will talk about police brutality in New York City. And there will be plenty of local speakers. Ramona Africa will discuss the 1985 bombing of the MOVE house, author and Temple journalism professor Linn Washington will dish on Philadelphia police brutality and Queen Carney and Reggie Bard will remember the Philadelphia police killing of their son, Edward "Boo" Pickens.
After dinner, the aforementioned Dr. Jeffries will take part in a panel discussion titled "Reparations Now! A Just Demand."
The next day should be interesting as well.
The subject on Sunday is "prisons and miseducation."
Among those speaking will be International People's Democratic Uhuru Movement President Chimurenga Waller, about the effects of busing and tracking in St. Petersburg, Fla., Kasima Farrakhan, head instructress at Muhammads Islamic Academy in North Philly, about the struggle for an African curriculum, and Pam Africa on behalf of Mumia Abu-Jamal.
People have had some funny notions about my role in journalism, just because my parents utilized the snipping services of a mohel on my 8-day-old member.
Back when I first started, at a tiny little newspaper in Newton, Mass., called the News Tribune, one of the new bosses, a shit-talker from Texas, told me the real reason I was still gainfully employed. "You know how to handle those Jewish wise guys from Newton," said the Texan.
A year or two later, the Israelis had a few ideas about some of my stories. They do not like it when Jews write unkind things about the Jewish state, and that was during the first intifada. The government just this week canceled plans -- under great fire -- for even more invasive requirements for journalists.
I commiserate with the reporters and editors who work for the ethnic press. Having to cover your own is a pain. I know many very talented journos who have been, or are still, in the ethnic press and know exactly what I am talking about.
No matter your publication, it gets even harder when your people want you to do some extras.
Which brings me back to Barry Morrison and the ADL.
I have friends and sources in every community.
Blacks, whites, Asians, Latinos, Jews, Christians, Muslims, Arabs, LGBT, everybody.
Who would talk to me if I were a font of intel for the ADL?
It's hard enough getting people to trust the media, Barry.
I hope I am not the only one to turn you down.