AUG 10 2004
Clinton on the Daily Show: Snap Judgement
We got good and liquored up and watched history being made. . . up.
First: What's with the crossed legs and the clasped hands, Bill? Are you as attracted to Jon as we are? Maybe some image consultant told you it made you look centered. Maybe that's the same person who apparently stuffed you full of Xanax before you got on stage. So serious! Full-on elder statesman! Ugly buildings, whores and politician, eh? Are you really the same man who blew a saxophone on Arsenio and broke Texas law with a cigar? You're giving history lessons and making moral arguments campaign advertising! It pains us to confess us this, but in terms of entertainment value and (sigh) even sex appeal. . . Bob Dole has now outstripped you among modern presidential candidates. (For what it's worth, you're still ahead of John Anderson.)
The one highlight -- and we're not sure if you intended this to be funny -- was when you made 1992 sound like the golden age of Democratic politics. Hilarious! Loved the gays-in-the-military bait and switch! And what about universal health insurance? We'd laugh harder, but we can't really afford to be treated for our busted gut. Oh, and so best: "When you're a Democrat, you win when people think."
Sure! Whatever! And Republicans win when Democrats fuck shit up! No, seriously: If people thought, no one would win...