I am the very model of a modern major liberal I do abhor all communistic Stalin-loving criminals My moral standards are too high for foriegn tyrants everywhere I float above the global fray as peaceful doves nest in my hair Authoritarians begone: I'm expert at sectology Only my emailed arguments will set the working people free I wish that ANSWER and the reds would get hit with a neutron bomb I've got a better plan for peace, I read it on salon.com I know Saddam's a tyrant, Fidel Castro needs to trim his beard The Chinese give me nightmares and the North Koreans are just weird The speakers are too grating and the march so long I can not stand Their propaganda newsprint smeared ink all over my dainty hands Let's federate the anarchists, autonomize communities The movement will be reborn by my libertarian tendencies Too hell with crusty politics, now "Empire"'s the new buzzword The Bushies are all fascists, Howard Dean is hot, or so I've heard I'll stand and fight without reserve when George Bush finally attacks A president so pacifist he wouldn't knife a pancake stack If only cultured freedom-loving Nation-reading folks like me Were heads of state in countries that the US declared enemy Until then I'll just grudge and gripe and hypothetically support The basic rights of detainees in US occupation courts But anyone who lends a hand is foolish, maybe criminal 'Cause I'm the very model of a modern major liberal!