[lbo-talk] A little more cheapness please or the continuing saga of commodification via the sale of images....

Mike Ballard swillsqueal at yahoo.com.au
Thu Mar 4 00:25:58 PST 2004


..

Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the New Mexico Market:

Santa Fe Barbie This princess Barbie is only sold in Santa Fe. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired foreign dog named Wolf and an authentic adobe house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

Northeast Heights Barbie This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

Espanola Barbie This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy Low Rider with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about. Hair spray and fake fingernail kit available.

Sandia Heights Barbie This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

Clovis Barbie This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Canyon Road Barbie This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends on Canyon Road. Percocet prescription available.

Valencia County Barbie This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of Belen Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

Taos Barbie This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and irkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Taos Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

Nob Hill Barbie This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Raton Barbie She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is 'cause he's always hunting.

Hobbs Barbie This Spanish Speaking only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a Meat Packers uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green Cards are not available for Barbie or Ken.

Trinidad Barbie/Ken This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts.

Rio Rancho Barbie She is a Software Engineer with great social skills. Comes with a laptop and cell phone. She can juggle late night phone calls and supervising not quite adult children. Grandchildren at no additional cost. Optional Barbie neck brace available.

-- ==================================== "Potro sin freno se lanzó mi instinto, iba embriagada y con puñal al cinto. Si no cayó, fué porque Díos es bueno." -- Rubén Darío

"Annie Oakley's name, her lovable traits, her thoughtful consideration of others will live as a mark for any woman to shoot at." -- Will Rogers

"A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are for. Be good ships. Sail out to sea and do new things." -- Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hopper

"I'm not a gourmet but I like to eat well." -- Jackie Gleason

===== **************************************************************** You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. --Mark Twain

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