BRIAN: Larks' tongues. Otters' noses. Ocelot spleens.
REG: Got any nuts?
BRIAN: I haven't got any nuts. Sorry. I've got wrens' livers, badgers' spleens--
REG: No, no, no.
BRIAN: Otters' noses?
REG: I don't want any of that Roman rubbish.
JUDITH: Why don't you sell proper food?
BRIAN: Proper food?
REG: Yeah, not those rich imperialist tit-bits.
BRIAN: Well, don't blame me. I didn't ask to sell this stuff.
REG: All right. Bag of otters' noses, then.
FRANCIS: Make it two.
REG: Two.
FRANCIS: Thanks, Reg.
BRIAN: Are you the Judean People's Front?
REG: Fuck off!
BRIAN: What?
REG: Judean People's Front. We're the People's Front of Judea! Judean People's Front. Cawk.
FRANCIS: Wankers.
BRIAN: Can I... join your group?
REG: No. Piss off.
BRIAN: I didn't want to sell this stuff. It's only a job. I hate the Romans as much as anybody.
PEOPLE'S FRONT OF JUDEA: Shhhh. Shhhh. Shhh. Shh. Shhhh.
REG: Stumm.
JUDITH: Are you sure?
BRIAN: Oh, dead sure. I hate the Romans already.
REG: Listen. If you really wanted to join the P.F.J., you'd have to really hate the Romans.
BRIAN: I do!
REG: Oh, yeah? How much?
BRIAN: A lot!
REG: Right. You're in. Listen. The only people we hate more than the Romans are the fucking Judean People's Front.
P.F.J.: Yeah...
JUDITH: Splitters.
P.F.J.: Splitters...
FRANCIS: And the Judean Popular People's Front.
P.F.J.: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Splitters. Splitters...
LORETTA: And the People's Front of Judea.
P.F.J.: Yeah. Splitters. Splitters...
REG: What?
LORETTA: The People's Front of Judea. Splitters.
REG: We're the People's Front of Judea!
LORETTA: Oh. I thought we were the Popular Front.
REG: People's Front! C-huh.
FRANCIS: Whatever happened to the Popular Front, Reg?
REG: He's over there.
P.F.J.: Splitter!
GOLIATH: [pant pant pant] Ooh. Ooh. I-- I think I'm about to have a... cardiac arrest. Ooh. Ooh.
SPECTATOR: Absolutely dreadful. Hmm.
CROWD: [cheering]
REG: Yes, brother! Ha ha. What's your name?
BRIAN: Brian. Brian Cohen.
REG: We may have a little job for you, Brian.
Michael Pugliese