I just reported this convo to my son. He's been raised in a home where we've tried to be pretty open about these things. I'm not permissive, I don't believe. Authoritative is more my style, providing enough privacy so that he doesn't feel smothered. See Doug's interview with Suzy Bright.
Anyway, the sonshine says some of you are nuts. He's seen plenty of MTV (he didn't see it at 11 in our home, but at the neighbor's -- who, incidentally, have terrific, wonderful boys, three of them. One of them is really growing up, heading off to join the special forces soon. He would shatter most of your mythic thinking about what kind of kids are interested in becoming a member of the special forces).
Anyway, my kid's seen his share of porn (a cache they discovered at the disc golf park near our old home) and I'm sure they found the gay porn that belonged to my ex and me. Members of Testosterone Central like to play the dozens with one kid, Leandro, never letting him live down the night he cried at 3 a.m. when the sonshine made Leandro put the porn away so everyone could get some sleep at sleep over/birthday celebration a couple of years ago. They had to go fishing the next morning, damn it. Put you meat away!
Q: When did you first start thinking about sex?
A: When I was 11 or 12.
Q: Did MTV--any of these images--make you want to go out and have wild and crazy sex.
A: School was what got me most interested in sex. A lot more than MTV. Besides, everything makes you think about sex.
Q: When you watch MTV, BET, etc what do you like about it. Why do you tune in?
A: To see a video I've heard about maybe. But, you know me mom. I don't watch it as much as some kids. They will sit in front of it all day. I'm not a TV kid. (This, btw, without me engaging in any attempt whatsoever to keep it away from him, insist he watch healthier fare, or lecturing him about its evils. I simply encouraged him to do other things and didn't watch a whole lot of TV myself.)
Q: What's on MTV? I haven't watched it in awhile.
A: Well, they show a lot of girls dancing around half naked. You know, like Spring Break. Girls Going Wild. Kissing Contests. A lot of that.
Q: There's this cool dewd who says that it makes boys irresponsible because they'll want to stick it anywhere it's warm.
A: YOur friends talk like that on the Internet? I thought you talked about politics and stuff.
Q: Yeah. So? What about what my friend says about irresponsible sex?
A: He's nuts. They have awareness campaigns like every hour. Constantly. Safe sex this and safe sex that. Geez. You'd have to be stupid to have sex without a condom if you watch MTV.
My son, btw, has been dating the same young woman for nearly two years. The one he "lost it" to. He's shared with me times when he's had opps for sex with other girls. Occasionally, a girl will ask him to have sex with her at school, from what he tells me. He turns them down. He's tempted, but there are other things besides MTV that influence how he responds to and reads MTV, etc. I would also argue that MTV probably isn't seamless in its message. I seem to recall little snippets of shows where kids have sat around and discussed casual sex, pro and con.
I'll say that I have one superb kid. He's been through quite a bit, but he's caring, honest, polite, respectful, responsible and has a deep abiding concern for social injustice. All in all, I'm one lucky mommy. I'm constantly amazed at the wonderful human being he is and continues to become.
Now, where's some freaking real wood so I can knock on it.
Kelley
I'm far more alarmed about 15 year olds behind the wheel in this area. We have the second highest automobile-related death rate in the U S of A!