by Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2483
Being a Democrat fucking sucks. You know it, I know it, but what are we going to do about it? Obviously The System doesn't work, which means the only option left remaining is to move to Canada and live on a commune. Or is it? I seem to remember something happening way back in our nation's history, it was like this war where American fought American and our nation was rent asunder by great divides. That's right! It was the Civil War, and if the South is to be believed - and religious TV allows us to know that the South is always to be believed - then the South actually won the Civil War, proving once and for all that civil war works.
Civil war, hot brother against brother action, Atlanta burning to the ground, these things all sound great in theory, but we Democrats have to face facts. We are fucking pussies. Sure, we can get angry just as well as anyone else, but when it comes to actually pitching a fight we tend to either get our asses kicked or flee. Look at Kent State. There were what, like 30 National Guardsmen and like 5,000 college students? They opened fire and all the college students immediately ran away. I think like six people died, although I can't remember for sure because as we all know the winners write the history books. Six killed out of 5,000! Even armed with improvised weapons we could have overrun the National Guardsmen and hacked them apart, raising their hot seeping flesh above our heads in triumph over tyranny. Two to three hundred dead, tops.
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At some point outright rioting will cease to become a realistic option. The troops will be using things like bullets and missiles and liberal weapons like offensive rap lyrics, pornography, and flag burning will no longer be effective. That means it's time to form some militia units to engage the regular army forces in deadly combat. Militia units like:
The 101st Airborne Bong Tokers out of Berkeley
The 27th K.D. Lang Concert Audience Assault Brigade
1st Armored Division "Jon Stewart"
735th Recumbent Bicycle Cavalry
201st No to Nukes Light Infantry
6th Give Peace a Chance "Or Else" Division
82nd MoveOn Dot Ordinance Supply Battalion
The 4th Mississippi Irregulars "Martin Luther King, Jr." Division
1st Nantucket Schooner & Pleasure Yacht Fleet
9th Olympic Synchronized Landing Marine Division
Once more unto the breach, dear friends!
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http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2483
===== "I'm not too worried by hegemony / I know the cadre will look after me" - Magazine, "Model Worker," 1978