[lbo-talk] "The Democrat's Guide to Overthrowing the Government"

[B.]

"The Democrat's Guide to Overthrowing the Government"

by Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons
http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2483

Being a Democrat fucking sucks. You know it, I know
it, but what are we going to do about it? Obviously
The System doesn't work, which means the only option
left remaining is to move to Canada and live on a
commune. Or is it? I seem to remember something
happening way back in our nation's history, it was
like this war where American fought American and our
nation was rent asunder by great divides. That's
right! It was the Civil War, and if the South is to be
believed - and religious TV allows us to know that the
South is always to be believed - then the South
actually won the Civil War, proving once and for all
that civil war works.

Civil war, hot brother against brother action, Atlanta
burning to the ground, these things all sound great in
theory, but we Democrats have to face facts. We are
fucking pussies. Sure, we can get angry just as well
as anyone else, but when it comes to actually pitching
a fight we tend to either get our asses kicked or
flee. Look at Kent State. There were what, like 30
National Guardsmen and like 5,000 college students?
They opened fire and all the college students
immediately ran away. I think like six people died,
although I can't remember for sure because as we all
know the winners write the history books. Six killed
out of 5,000! Even armed with improvised weapons we
could have overrun the National Guardsmen and hacked
them apart, raising their hot seeping flesh above our
heads in triumph over tyranny. Two to three hundred
dead, tops. 

[...]

At some point outright rioting will cease to become a
realistic option. The troops will be using things like
bullets and missiles and liberal weapons like
offensive rap lyrics, pornography, and flag burning
will no longer be effective. That means it's time to
form some militia units to engage the regular army
forces in deadly combat. Militia units like:

    The 101st Airborne Bong Tokers out of Berkeley
    
    The 27th K.D. Lang Concert Audience Assault
Brigade
    
    1st Armored Division "Jon Stewart"
    
    735th Recumbent Bicycle Cavalry
    
    201st No to Nukes Light Infantry
    
    6th Give Peace a Chance "Or Else" Division
    
    82nd MoveOn Dot Ordinance Supply Battalion
    
    The 4th Mississippi Irregulars "Martin Luther
King, Jr." Division
    
    1st Nantucket Schooner & Pleasure Yacht Fleet
    
    9th Olympic Synchronized Landing Marine Division 

Once more unto the breach, dear friends!

[...]

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2483

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"I'm not too worried by hegemony / I know the cadre will look after me" - Magazine, "Model Worker," 1978