My question, first. For a rant about the pisser who ran the workshop, see below!
I am trying to keep an open mind b/c, after all, I NEED a job, but one thing I don't buy is that you should use very creative ways to get their attention. I know you should get their attn, but I'm more inclined toward the conventional ways. The guy running the workshop, however, used an old example of someone who sent a hiring manager a shoe with a cover letter that said, "Now that I have my foot in the door..." HAR HAR HAR. That is SOOOOO funny. </sarcasm> Then there was another person who discovered the hiring authority liked cats, so she sent a basket full of cat treats and flea collars. Oh, and the homemade chocolate chip cookies gambit with a note that says, "Let's Bake a Deal!" (I talked to a friend who lost her job five years ago. She said they used the same examples then. *snort*)
Um.
Given my increasingly low expectations of the corporate world, I figure people WILL fall for this crap. And, when I think about it, I have to admit that even _I_ might fall for the crap. I'd probably at least look at the resume if they sent cookies. And, if the resume is any good, then I may just crumble like a week-old cookie.
So, have you ever heard of anyone landing a job with these gimmicks? What do you think of these gimmicks, in general? Offlist rants, rambles, whatever would be appreciated.
Now, I have some ideas, so I thought I'd share for the entertainment value. My thought for a position as a project coordinator of a training program is to send a set of instructions which shows them how to open the Kelley.exe file. HA HA HA!
Random other dorky idears:
After getting a flyer in the mail for $5.99 cheese pizzas at Hungry Howie's, I'm thinking I could create flyers: For a limited time only, one free power lunch with MOI! If you redeem before Jan 1, you get an interview free!
Oooo. How about a resume with a big blank space where my last employer is supposed to be? I'd put a box in the center that says: Your Super Employee Accomplishments Could Be Here. Call U-EXPLOIT-ME and let me fill this space with bulleted accomplishments that make your company gazillions!
Ahhhh, how about the old bait and switch? Send 'em what looks like a utility bill or credit card bill or something. The envelope could have one of those "dated material inside" stamps. They open it up with a bill listing all the job requirements which total up to the advertised salary. Then, a line about payment options which would lead them to my genius cover letter where I tell them I'd be happy to take care of the BILL with my dynamic, talented self!
Could I work for Moveon or what? The other variation I thought of is to send a fake guest check from a restaurant with a note that says, "Something doesn't add up. That's because your company is missing me!" *snort* Oh, and the possibility for the banks around here are _endless_: deposit slips, an investment portfolio mock up, etc. Invest in Kelley Bank and Trust and watch you investment grow by leaps and bounds!
One company I want to work for is big on Southwestern style. You know adobe, cactus, ponchos. I'm certain I could come up with some gimmick there. Oh, a variation on desert bloom!
The whole thing is entertaining me endlessly when I take breaks. Which isn't saying much. It's not hard to entertain me as I write the trillionth individualized resume and cover letter. This situation is seriously eating into my toothpick budget!
As for the workshop and the bozo who ran the thing: Ooooooooooo am I pissed off. It took a great deal of willpower for me not to get up on his conference table and raise a ruckus! And, you know, I'm really mad that I just didn't walk out and give him a piece of my mind on the way out the door. Why do we do this. We sat there like robotic teacher's pets, everyone nodding and ooooing and ahhhing at all the right times. Workshop? Questions? Learning? No, no, no. This was about being obedient tools of the capitalist fucking state.
I know, I know. Good practice for corporate life, kell.
I mean really. Were we all in jail Monday or what? Beause, really, in the end, that is exactly what we were. We were there _by force_ and yet everyone wanted to pretend that isn't what brought anyone there. Let's see... I get laid off or whatever. The job market stinks and in order to collect what I'm entitled to, what I've been paying for in my taxes and will be paying for for the rest of my life, I have to play some game to prove that I'm actually trying to find work. Uh, yeah. at 35% of our former wages, I'm guessing we are ALREADY MOTIVATED!
What would have happened if we just didn't go to the godamned thing. What would happen if we walked out after realizing we weren't getting a lick of real help finding a job? _Why_ did we sit there? (rhetorical question). But, boy, wouldn't it be nice if people could say, "You know what? Fuck you and fuck this workshop. The system is just rotten to the core. Every single person here is expalining to us exactly how screwed up the hiring process is. Every single one of you is presenting evidence that the system is BROKEN. The best you can do is tell us that our goal is to game the system. Let's get this straight. There are some odd thousands of people without a job in the county. 50 of us are in this room and you're giving us tips on how to game the system so we have a leg up on the rest who won't be called in for this special workshop?
Excuse me? Cause I'm not buying it. I'm guessing that the people who've been employed less than five years or who aren't in a targeted special cse industry like IT also need to know this stuff. eh? eh Eh EH?
Whatever. The real hilarity is that I could run the workshop having spent 2 years studying worker transition programs, public and private. I have heard and read it all about how to find a job. It's not just that I know the spiel this guy gave like the back of my hand, but I also spent years teaching and the last five years doing training. IOW, I'm a pretty good public speaker who doesn't break a sweat.
ANYWAY. One of the things that came out of my research (and that of others') is that the worst thing is that transition program staff ends up reproducing a tendency the unemployed have to blame themselves. This _in spite of_ their conscious efforts to help people understand that what's happening to them is actually the result of structural economic changes and, thus, not their fault.
Alas, what this guy did was actually tell people that it was all their fault. The programs I studied, because they were trying to help the clients, tried to avoid making them feel as if it was their fault. They repeatedly stressed the structural factors. This guy.... Oiy. He blabbed on about all these changes: re-engineering, outsourcing, etc. etc. People were nodding. This was something beyond their control and they knew it. He told them it was beyond their control. Everyone nodded and muttered, just chomping at the bit to have a gripe session.
Not to be (and it's not to be in other transition workshops either). This guy followed all that with something like, "Guess what. There's nothing you can do about any of it. But you know what the real problem is? It's you. YOU haven't been keeping up with changes in the workplace. YOU haven't been keeping on the technological cutting edge. Things are constantly changing and right now, you don't know anything. You know nothing about getting a job. You were on the market five years ago? Whatever you thought you know five years ago is obsolete. You're obsolete. You think you have skills. Well, learn to accept the fact that, in this field, you don't. You know nothing about how to get a job."
Oooooooo. I was so pissed. First, it irritates me that bit about "there's nothing you can do about it." Yes, I know there is nothing an individual can do. But there were fifty of us in the room and there are tons of other people sitting in workshops for the unemployed across the country. Manpower! There IS something we can do about it, together!
Oh, yes, yes, I know that what they need is to get jobs and going on about unions or revolution isn't exactly going to help them. It's just depressing... the lost opportunities for consciousness-raising. It is too bad we can't tap into that. I obviously don't know enough about hwo unions go about things, and I know they have limited funds and must concentrate on actually creating unions. Still, here are all these people that could be educated about the issues so that they will be more primed and accepting of the idea of unions when they encounter them. It's not just getting people to actively create a union workplace, it's creating a population of people that support them in various ways. Or something like that -- if any of this makes any sense at all.
But the other, practical thing that bugged me was that this bozo was just some guy with his own 'career transition' agency. He was using it as an opportunity to pick up clients. So, the whole spiel about how they knew nothing (which in many ways is true but there are more constructive, less abusive ways to convey that) was a power play on his part. What was really clear was that he wanted turn every poor sucker in the room into a sobbing idiot more feeling more incapable of finding work than they'd been when they walked in the door.
It was terrifying to see privatization of government services in action, lemme tell ya.
He repeatedly allowed himself to be a surrogate for the employer, so people would see him as the powerful employer with the job. His goal is to get them to think of him as the one who could help them get jobs or as the one that has jobs. That way, of course, they'd hop on down to his agency and sign up for his services. It was _very_ subtle.
Worse, this workshop offered nothing concrete in the way of actually writing resumes and letters. Hell, the bozo didn't even hand out a flyer with all the tips on it and most peple didn't show up with pen and paper. That was because the letter we rec'd really didn't explain what we'd be doing that day. I figured it was one of those formaility things where you show up, someone pretends to care that you're actively searching for work, shows you how to use the computers and copy machines, and we'd go home.
It's bad enough that the unemployed are inclined to beat themselves up. He was there to make them feel even more miserable so he could be their savior. It's a good racket he's got going, gotta hand it to him.
Anyway, rant over and out.
k
"We live under the Confederacy. We're a podunk bunch of swaggering pious hicks."
--Bruce Sterling