[lbo-talk] "intelligent" design

[Rich Balls]

Open letter to the State Board of Education in Kansas, which may have 
precipitated the Beebe School District in neighboring arkansas to remove 
from textbooks stickers promoting and "intelligent designer" over evolution.

OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to 
decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught 
along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is 
important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for 
themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, 
however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I 
and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe 
was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we 
see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific 
evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a 
coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I'm writing you today, to formally request that 
this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two 
theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do 
this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I'm sure you see where 
we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, 
but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also 
allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little 
more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster 
created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we 
have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all 
details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 
10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people 
claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these 
people don't understand is that He built the world to make us think the 
earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a 
carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the 
Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that 
this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of 
Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize 
is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is 
there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts 
that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does 
this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with 
ease.

I'm sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught 
this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that 
observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. 
Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His 
chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the 
importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why 
this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The 
concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don't.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, 
and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of 
Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the 
approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the 
last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse 
relationship between pirates and global temperature.

continued at http://www.venganza.org/

____________________________

When duty calls ... you've got Balls!


-- 
When duty calls, you've got Balls!