Am I the only person in the world who thinks this woman looks like a hideous mutant?
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I wouldn't open that can of 'hideous mutant' quotes yet but I will share this six-degrees of separation-esque tale with you (and the viewing audience)...
An old friend, to the surprise of all of us -- including himself -- is quite a player in Hollywood. He's good looking, sharply dressed and very outgoing: women do tend to love him (I could, and probably should, write an entire book about his adventures with strippers).
Years ago, he was at a party in LA that featured a truckload of celebrities and camp followers. Somehow, he found himself in a room with a few flashy women and a large man squeezed into a black velvet suit.
Yes, that's right, velvet; the fabric of kings. Very, fat kings.
When he's in these situations, he tends to text me and send images of whatever oddness is unfolding or sleek hotness is lounging about. In this way, telecommunications finally finds its true purpose.
These messages can, from time to time, make my days as a cyber-prole a bit brighter (imagine: you're in a meeting with a client who's droning on about something or the other when suddenly, your phone vibrates and there's a pic of Pam Anderson or whoever, giving the camera lens the finger - taken only seconds before - on the wee screen).
Let's return to the party.
For a little while, he kept texting about this "clumsy, odd looking blonde who's trying to get me in a corner." I text requested an image. When I received it I was surprised to note the "clumsy, odd looking blonde" was none other than Le Hilton.
Of course, I filled him in and expressed wonderment he didn't recognize her (and that there apparently wasn't buzz in the room about her presence).
He relayed the electronic equivalent of a shrug and mentioned the much more promising prospect of a very attractive, and quite normal, brunette who was drawing his attention.
Later, the infamous Hilton zex tape hit the world like a poorly made home video (which of course, it was). I joked that it might have been him acting like an ass (and showing his ass) on camera with the Uber Party Girl if he'd 'played his cards right.'
"No," he said, "that would've been me playing my cards after severe alcohol poisoning. She was a very odd person."
.d.