"VANCOUVER, British Columbia, Feb. 4 - Christopher Key knows exactly what he would be giving up if he left Bellingham, Wash. ...But leave it he intends to do, and as soon as he can. His house is on the market, and he is busily seeking work across the border in Canada. For him, the re-election of President Bush was the last straw."
the following is from canada...with humor, if not love? fs
fwd:
The flood of American liberals sneaking across
the border into Canada has intensified in the
past week, sparking calls for increased patrols
to stop the illegal immigration.
The re-election of President Bush is prompting
the exodus among left leaning citizens who fear
they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and
agree with Bill O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to
see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights
activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at
night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and
there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the
barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield,
whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer
was cold, exhausted and hungry.
"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some
free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have
any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to
show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals
scaled them. So he tried installing speakers
that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.
"Not real effective," he said. ''The liberals
still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so
much they wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about
smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian
border, pack them into Volvo station wagons,
drive them across the border and leave them to
fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for
rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman
said. "I found one carload without a drop of
drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa
Valley cabernet,though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back
across the border, often wailing loudly that they
fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have
been circulating about the Bush administration
establishing re-education camps in which liberals
will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch
NASCAR.
In the days since the election, liberals have
turned to sometimes ingenious ways of crossing
the border. Some have taken to posing as
senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap
Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a
half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered
wigs,Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed
senior-citizen passengers.
"If they can't identify the accordion player on
The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about
their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the
illegal immigrants are creating an
organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the
good Susan Sarandon movies.
"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the
Canadian economy just can't support them," an
Ottawa resident said. ''How many art-history
majors does one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United
States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met
with the Canadian ambassador and pledged
that the administration would take steps to
reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said.
''We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary
concerts. And we might put some endangered
species on postage stamps.
The president is determined to reach out."