[lbo-talk] Re: escape to canada

frank scott frank at marin.cc.ca.us
Tue Feb 8 17:44:39 PST 2005


"VANCOUVER, British Columbia, Feb. 4 - Christopher Key knows exactly what he would be giving up if he left Bellingham, Wash. ...But leave it he intends to do, and as soon as he can. His house is on the market, and he is busily seeking work across the border in Canada. For him, the re-election of President Bush was the last straw."

the following is from canada...with humor, if not love? fs

fwd:

The flood of American liberals sneaking across

the border into Canada has intensified in the

past week, sparking calls for increased patrols

to stop the illegal immigration.

The re-election of President Bush is prompting

the exodus among left leaning citizens who fear

they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and

agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to

see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights

activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at

night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and

there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the

barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield,

whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer

was cold, exhausted and hungry.

"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some

free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have

any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to

show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals

scaled them. So he tried installing speakers

that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.

"Not real effective," he said. ''The liberals

still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so

much they wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about

smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian

border, pack them into Volvo station wagons,

drive them across the border and leave them to

fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for

rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman

said. "I found one carload without a drop of

drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa

Valley cabernet,though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back

across the border, often wailing loudly that they

fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have

been circulating about the Bush administration

establishing re-education camps in which liberals

will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch

NASCAR.

In the days since the election, liberals have

turned to sometimes ingenious ways of crossing

the border. Some have taken to posing as

senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap

Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a

half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered

wigs,Canadian immigration authorities began

stopping buses and quizzing the supposed

senior-citizen passengers.

"If they can't identify the accordion player on

The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about

their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the

illegal immigrants are creating an

organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the

good Susan Sarandon movies.

"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the

Canadian economy just can't support them," an

Ottawa resident said. ''How many art-history

majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United

States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met

with the Canadian ambassador and pledged

that the administration would take steps to

reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said.

''We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary

concerts. And we might put some endangered

species on postage stamps.

The president is determined to reach out."



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