When Apple Rules The World What does it mean when you really, really want to lick a new MacBook Pro, and swoon?
I have right here in my hot little hands that actually aren't all that little and are only slightly warm at the moment a brand new lick-ready smooth-as-love Apple MacBook Pro Core 2 Duo Super Orgasm Deluxe Ultrahard Modern Computing Device Designed by God Herself Somewhere in the Deep Moist Vulva of Cupertino Yes Yes Don't Stop Oh My God Yes.
I believe that is the actual name of the product. I might be wrong. I do not really care.
This machine, this silky hunk of aluminum and wire and divine Chinese factory-made love, was recently delivered into my hands by a squad of naked cooing angels who all happened to look exactly like Jenna Jameson or perhaps Eva Green and who also gave me a free foot massage and four hits of premium Ecstasy and a complimentary 3-hour tongue bath, all at the same time.
It is possible I imagined that last part. It is possible it was merely, you know, UPS. It is possible I am exaggerating just slightly overall. I do not really care.
Because these days, this is pretty much the feeling Apple products instill in millions of increasingly dazzled and devoted fans. Their products have become coated in some sort of hot golden fairy dust. Their gizmos come freely adorned with a luminous halo that tastes of hope and sex and candy. Their incandescent tech junk possesses a reek, a perfectly intoxicating stench that heralds another world, some sort of sleek well-lit utopia where people never steal and vibrators are free and dolphins teach babies to sing.
What, too much? Whatever. Because this is now the thing: Apple is now deep deep deep in the public consciousness, deeper than it's ever been, what with tens of millions of iPods doing more to help the coolest tech brand in the world slip effortlessly inside every cultural nook and cranny and luggage compartment and automobile and airline and Christmas shopping wish list than anyone ever thought possible.
And this new MacBook line (along with, to a lesser degree, the charming iMacs) has only served as an incontrovertible anchor, serious proof that the iPod is no fluke and there is real thought and muscle and Zen-like joy behind the brand, and as an owner of one of these new Core 2 Duos I am here to tell you these hot little MacBook bitches are full of sound and fury, signifying everything.
Deny it at your peril: The company's much-lauded design ethos has become so refined, tactile, thoughtful, their overall look and feel so much more hip and attuned and helpful than just about any other major gadget manufacturer in the entire world, you swear you hear some sort of harmonious cosmic hum when you open their surprisingly gorgeous packaging.
Does that sound like idiotic gushing? Like undue praise for what amounts to just another dumb computer that has its share of flaws and glitches and armies of sneering übergeek detractors on Slashdot? Once again, I do not really care. Because like it or not, Apple has actually managed something quite radical for a tech company: They have not merely changed the world, they have actually improved it. Oh yes they have.
I ain't talkin' global warming. I don't mean they've solved world hunger or cured cancer or ended racism or muzzled Ashlee Simpson. But I do mean something that, in its way, is nearly as profound: They've managed to make the world just a bit more pleasurable, tasteful, beautiful. They've added a dash of that rarest of human qualities, especially when talking about factory-made tech crap: They have added a touch of grace.
more at <http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2006/11/17/notes111706.DTL>
"You know how it is, come for the animal porn, stay for the cultural analysis." -- Michael Berube
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