<snip>
* Only use a pre-pay phone, do not save any data on the phone, including phone numbers.
* If two men sit down near you in a bar or restaurant with a bag in between them on the table, you're being watched by FSB. The bag contains a recorder.
* Be very afraid.
[...]
.........................
Although MI5 is undeniably the frosty chocolate milkshake of spy agencies I'm afraid they left several critical items off their list, items my mojito drinking Russia sources have shared with me and which I now share with you 'cause I'm share-tastic like that.
Noteworthy warnings include:
* Russian grandmothers, while reassuringly matronly in appearance, are actually deadly androids -- code named BabushkaBot. Under no circumstances should you get within 75 feet of elderly Russian women. Run quickly away.
* If you see dogs gathered together, perhaps in the alleyway behind an upscale bistro, they're probably discussing how they're going to kill you and use your carcass for snowboarding. Flee from all dogs with manic abandon
* Russian techno fave SCSI-9's dance-able beats have been analyzed by the finest minds in Western super science - they are a form of audio narcotic, crafted to lull you into a deep sleep (no doubt to enable FSB snowboarding dogs to kill you so they can hit the half pipe). Run from all MP3 players, dance clubs, and so on.
In summary, while visiting Russia...
* Run
* Be afraid
* Run some more (preferably with your arms flailing wildly about while shouting something appropriate such as aiiiiieeeeee!!!)
With these sensible guidelines ever in mind, enjoy your stay in Russia!
.d.
Let us weep in somber contemplation of the scientific and brutal destiny of the Greek brothers.
...................... http://monroelab.net/blog/