Perhaps I could never be Niels Bohr, but I knew I didn't want to be fooled, didn't want to live in a world of information and artifacts I didn't understand on any level... .d.
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I had different reasons of course. But this little bit here, ``..didn't want to live a world of information and artifacts I didn't understand on any level..'', was the key thing with me.
I had enemies, the hard core scientists and authorities who seemed dead set against anybody learning anything. The secrecy and pretence that it was only for a trusted and thrusworthy few---turns out the thrustworthy few were the enemy in some sense---because I didn't trust them. They were assholes wrecking the world. They thought my worlds of arts, literature, politics, civil rights, democracy, etc were stupid. They seem to have no resprect for these sorts of endeavors.
After I got out of grad school and got a dumb construction job, I started back, re-doing my education, retracing it to construct another education, a better one, one I owned rather than somebody else.
And there was an anger that I had been cheated. Related to this, but not exactly, `I wanted to go the total Stalin on their asses...'' And I did come to this conclusion, `` The next best thing was, simply, to know more... This was/is also a form of warfare.'' Yes, yes, a different kind of war. And I sure hope a more devastating one that can't be erased, reversed, or forgotten so easily.
CG