Privelege Was Re: [lbo-talk] Re: Maoist cleanup drive hits

[queer dewd formerly known as ( )]

At 07:19 PM 1/8/2007, Charles Brown wrote:

>CB: The burden is on you to prove that. What an amazingly uniform group
>these sadists are.  Uniform like no other human group I know. Amazingly
>self-disciplined too.

Well, when you are engaged in a taboo sexual practice, you tend to be that 
way. Just like people who are polyamorous do not treat polyamory the way 
your typical het couple treats an affair: secrecy, sneaking around, lying.

that is, you no longer rely on the roles you were raised with and taught 
are 'normal'. the rules of dating and sexual partnering, where  it is seen 
as "not romantic" to discuss responsibility, likes and dislikes, place 
demands and burdens on one another,right out in the open. this is seen as 
horribly unromantic and the goal of romance is to find "the one" who just 
magically "knows". (and whatever people do know is the result of 
socialization and following fairly scripted patterns that are so entrenched 
we don't realize they are pre-given and hardly made up by us.)

When you are engaged in marginalized sexual practices like BDSM, you can't 
rely on that (and you can't rely on it otherwise, since such failure to 
communicate is often the source of pain, harm, violence, and rape). Since 
you are very aware of this, you take it a bit more seriously, particularly 
if you feel any obligation to a community -- and many people do. Because 
you have reputation in that community. Which is much different than in het 
relationships, eh? If you want to have the sex you want in a BDSM 
community, you better do what you say you're going to do or become known 
for your behavior and ostracized.

This is NOT to say -- and Doug didn't say it either -- that there are bad 
things that happen. I know of NO feminist BDSM practitioner who will tell 
others that there is nothing to worry about. There's lots of discussion. 
There's a thread at Feministe.us/blog right now (you'll have to surf the 
site to find it, i'm too lazy) which discusses such a case right now: a 
woman was raped.

But it's sort of like the 'airing dirty laundry' problem women of color 
were discussing on the blog a month or so ago. There's a big problem with 
sexism among men of color in their communities, but not one wants to talk 
about it for fear that MOC will be demonized, yet some more, as somehow 
more sexist than white men.

I'd also invite you to take a look at this paper from Janet Halley on a 
case in Texas involving BDSM and supposedly forced sex between husband and 
wife. When Halley takes off her feminist glasses and put on her Queer 
glasses, she sees a totally different problem, where the 'victim' isn't 
necessarily a woman.

http://www.law.duke.edu/journals/djglp/articles/gen11p7.htm

It's case law, so you might find it interesting, her reading. (Also? The 
article says it's by Ian Halley. That's her pseud. a bit of performance art 
to make a point about her work.)


Queer Dewd is amused since many moons ago, Charles and Queer Dewd had an 
argument over the supposedly liberated character of the early sexual 
liberation movements, where some of us pointed out that it was being abused 
by men to guilt trip women into sex.


I have just read Dennis Claxton and realize this was a waste of my time.

Queer Dewd: Where feminists can suck my delicate, feminine cock
http://blog.pulpculture.org