(This is pretty funny.)
The eXile
Protect Dictatorships From Kremlin Bullying
Over the New Year's holiday season, most citizens in Belarus were busy celebrating the fruits of life under the hardline authoritarian regime of Alexander Lukashenko, exchanging ration cards and toasting in communal fear. But then the Kremlin showed up and crashed the party, demanding that Belarus pay more for its gas...or else.
Apologists for the Kremlin will try to tell you that that the reason Russia is demanding more money from Belarus is because Russia wants to earn closer to market prices - until this year, Belarus paid $47 per 1000 cubic meters, while the market rate is $260. However, this baloney about "demanding market prices" is just a red herring. Emphasis on the "red." As in "red communist." Okay, if you still don't get our play on words, what we mean is, as in "Russia is just the Soviet Union in disguise. A red herring disguise, to be exact. Yeah, they sell red herring disguises at the kid's costume store at Detsky Mir."
Get it?
We don't. Indeed, we completely forgot what we meant to say, and how we got on the subject of herring. Could someone call our offices and tell us what we're talking about? We're totally lost here. But we do know one thing: Russia is bullying its neighbors. By demanding that Belarus pay a 60% discount for its gas rather than an 80% discount, President Putin has proved once again that he is willing to use his country's vast natural gas monopoly for purely political purposes. What he wants is to undermine the fragile authoritarian regime of Alexander Lukashenko.
The Putin regime does not like the specter of having unfriendly authoritarian regimes on its borders. That would explain why the Kremlin also tried to bully the dynastic-authoritarian regime in Azerbaijan to pay market price for Russian gas last month.
Who can't help but root for poor Azerbaijan, the only post-Soviet regime which established a family dynasty in 2003, when its president-for-life, Ilham Aliyev was installed by his ailing father. It hasn't been easy for Aliyev, who has been struggling to crush his country's democratic opposition. Add to this a hostile anti-authoritarian Putin regime, and you can understand why Aliyev was forced to shut down the opposition ANS TV station last November. In fact, if it wasn't for the courageous support of The United States, Aliyev might not be in power today.
What is happening is clear. Let's call a spade a spade, instead of calling a spade a "nyegr." Putin's Russia is back to its old imperialist tricks. The European Union and the US must put their feet down, and demand that Russia subsidize these authoritarian regimes with cheap gas. And if Putin finally gives in and agrees to further subsidize these regimes, then the West must turn around and accuse Russia of subsidizing authoritarian regimes.
Why? Here's why. Today Russia is going after Belarus and Azerbaijan. Tomorrow, who knows who's next. Russia could conceivably try to undermine Russia's own authoritarian regime. Putin might demand that his own country pay market prices for gas, and see his own grip on power weaken, simply to exert control over himself. Yes, Putin really is that evil.
Wake up, world.
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