>But having the risk -- which they're supposedly being paid for by the
>interest -- removed is surely much the same as being paid more. Capital's
>gone on strike for better working conditions, if you'll pardon the metaphor...
well, if that's the case, isn't it a strike *between* capitalists?
Because, lard help me, I had to sit through my very first company-wide meeting today so we could be pan-handled by men in gray business suits. Their deficit? Why did they need our charity? Why, to raise their profile in the community -- so they look good 'n' proper charitable givers at all the high society functions. I have observed these sorts of meetings, including stockholders meetings, as a member of the catering staff before. But this was my very first as official profit producing being employed by some very gray CEO who hides out on the 25th floor.
whadda yawner. I just about stood up on a table so I could personally volunteer my time next year giving a much more rousing motivation speech than the one given by the fuckwit from some financial outfit in town.
I was startled awake to the sound of the words, "The economy is in crisis." I wiped the almost dry crust of drool from the corner of my mouth, wondered if I'd snored, but quickly realized that I would have only been contributing to a small symphony of fellow snorers. I'd lost the folks in my department as we traipsed across downtown to a convention center where were to be officially fed like a crowd of jostlin' snortin' oinkin' hogs at a trough. I'd been unwilling to wait for the elevator, so I took the stairs. I ended up copping a seat at a table of data entry clerks and a couple of women from one of the billing departments in one of the companies that makes up this conglomeration of businesses. While 4 in the party snored, two others had their heads bowed, hands below the table. They stared intently toward their laps, trying to hide the fact that they were text messaging.
Econ 101 led by our Fearless CEO was a snoozefest for about 75% of the room. What. Ever. A snarly, sullen rebellion got started at one point: "Can we get seconds from the breakfast buffet? The "quiche" sucked, but you cheap fuckers can't even be bothered to host a company picnic, so we takes what we can get."
Fat chance you say? What. Ever.
They slinked back to their seats and I watched as the flirting across tables commenced. This was far more entertaining than the cast of gray-skinned, gray-suited, gray-haired men who took turns yammering at us from the podium. I can't shake the color. I'm awash in it, hours later: gray.
Slumped back into their seats, a few people at the tables around me pushed the crumbs of stale danish around their Chinets. A young guy stacked unused packs of jam, syrup, and butter into pyramids and forts and houses -- until he finally got bored enough to suck the syrup, jam, and butter out of the packages just for the entertainment value.
Fearless CEO explained that what had two kinds of core businesses. One was a conventional business model: make a product, sell it to customers. The other, though, was about acquisitions. The company had been making money acquiring competitors or allied businesses. Waahoo. "As a for instance," he said, "we purchased Major Advertising United LLC (MAUL) just five years ago. Back then, he said, we borrowed 500 billion dollars. We've acquired many others since, always borrowing money to make the buy."
"And we're proud of that because not only did we turn those businesses around, making a profit, but we paid all our debt back. This company is unusual," he practically had a boner popping out of his gray pants right then and there. "We have *no* debt. Our credit rating is excelente!" (I saw a small gray man off to the side of the stage; I swear to dog, he did a leprechaun tap of the toes at the joy of it all.)
Fearless CEO's cheery grayness was quickly overtaken by a gray grimace: Alas, we will not be able to continue on our path of acquisition fever. There is no money. There is no credit. You might wonder if we will turn toward our core business and spend a little dough on it, long neglected as it is. "Hell no! It is far more entertaining and lucrative to keep buying all these business out."
No dice, though, not with the economy the way it is.
He proceeded to explain it all by picking on some poor woman in HR and suggesting that she had just started a bank, raised cash by selling stock, etc. etc. and on and on. (Interesting, of course, that some one individual just starts upa bank!)
This story seemed to last forever. She shuffling and talking amongst themselves got so loud that I could barely hear. Finally, he repeated it:
"No one will lend us any money."
"I know, I know!" he said as he raised his hands in mock protest. "Being told no. Makes you feel like a deadbeat who never pays back his loans. Verah verah irritatin', when you *know* you've paid back all your loans. Always!"
He shook his head.
I think, at this point, he would have scratched his balls, it just seemed like the thing for him to do. But I'm pretty sure that was just my imagination.
He continued on to say that he couldn't tell us what would happen or when it would happen. "The credit market is so closed up," he declared, "I couldn't even slide my needledick into it with the help of a case of lube! We won't be able to sell the company. Our suitors, we have five growth equity companies lined up to buy, simply can't buy because they can't get the loan. So, we will soldier on."
Someone asked a question, "Will we go back to our business -- acquisitions?"
Fearless looked perplexed; you could see the thought pass over: "Didn't I just tell these morons that acquisitions are out of the question? Lard, beam me up to the 25th floor. It is *painful* hanging out with the rabble."
Fearless cleared his throat, stuffed back the "uh" and said, "NO sir. Unfortunately, the most lucrative aspect of our business, acquisitions, won't be pursued any time soon."
"I can't tell you when. Could be end of the year. Could be this time next year. Could be two years. Personally, I think it's going to take a very long time to work through this situation. There are layers and layers of complexity, and nothing's that's been done so far is enough."
>The point is that the money's out there somewhere. We need to give a good
>(non-metaphorical) account of why it's not being "loaned." --CGE
beatsdachittoutta me, but even a company with a stellar credit rating, a history of *never* being in debt for more than c uople of years....? Who has a record of churning out huge profits from the borrowed cash sunk into such investments?
http://cleandraws.com Wear Clean Draws ('coz there's 5 million ways to kill a CEO)