Joanna
----- Original Message ----- From: "shag carpet bomb" <shag at cleandraws.com>
i think the women in question, who had gray hair and was a veteran of the 60s, was offended by being called 'ma'am' in that context. it's one thing when the bagger at the grocery store does it, where its use is part of what constitutes the space as one where the worker is deferent to the customer.
In a society where we are all presumably equal, whenever we are in a space that is presumed to be on "even ground" where there are no roles or positions - we're all just citizens in a room - the use of 'ma'am' or 'sir' from a young person comes off as intentionally being assy. "I'm going to pretend to use the language of deference, but what I really mean by it is: you're annoying me lady, shut up and quit blabbering on and on and if you don't have a question."