i especially like the two pager for Hewlett Packard: a bunch of overweight football players and coaches....leading to Painted Ladies! Wow! Holy Cow!
this is the lead up to the gorgeous babes!
now buoys, there are lots and lots of nipples all over the place--some even more prominently displayed than they are on the painted errrr swim suits is i guess what we're supposed to call them. heh heh.
okay...then there's an article, some memoirs about what it was like to see models nekkid!
and then! "the only heiny in this magazine you could actually get your hands on." a nice ice cold phallus of beer
and next....a red hot powerful machine of a honda. vroom vroom buoys.
flip...flip....boring. words, words, words. pics are too small for much titillation. and these girls are pretty luscious.
ooop. now B Kool. the backside of a dark haired woman leaning into a phone in a dark bar, her face reflected in a black mirror above, floating detached from her. a body. a floating face. she's phoning to find out where the date is but looking at Mr. Mysterious, who's coming up behind her. (to the rescue?) all we see of him is his hand, some Kools, and a cigarette pointing toward the floor (note: men's cigarettes never point upward; always down or horizontal)
now Sarah O'Toole has something that looks mighty functional yesiree! her little cheeks are so cute i could just pinch them. and what is juxtaposed w/ All-American-Girl-Next Door Flirtatious Sarah? why, of course, another CenterFold! of what you ask?
Universal Studios Island's of Adventure. A nice fun family vacation anyone? oh and what a nice successfully het monogamous procreative family they feature! Holy Cow! they have three kids!
some more swimming attire.
oooh ooh wait! A buoy! Holy Cow! A buff buoy and one nipple even! all tan and wet and blue. yeowser! and look at his face, could this be symbolic of his ecstasy, escaping from a torrent of what, gasping for air? oh and then a two pager for a blue truck--4x4 of course.
now really buoys. all this excitement over the painted nipples when you have Tamara wet tee shirt contest winner. quite Fine i'd say.
placed right next to something even better: Mr Centerfold himself: an overweight guy in a speedo posing in the conventional lounging on side nudie pose. mocking it all. ain't we funny? (this is what i'd call self-ironic observation carrol; ditto the hienie advert) followed quickly by an advert for a rip up the H2O powermachine: the kawasaki jet ski.
what's the scoop with Sarah? she's just lovely, but they only show her backside and cover up her chest. must be she doesn't have enough action there for interest.
more pics
the swimsuit feature ends with what? not a truck, not a motorcycle...not some powermachine buoy toy....but....with
an advert for debeers diamonds. you know the one: "How can you make two months' salary last forever" featuring, of course, a huge rock which certainly costs a chunk of change. so msg: better have one helluva wallet buoys if you wanna play with the big buoys.
there are more suits and girls and nipples. why even an entirely nekkid girl toward the end.
oh and i especially liked the display of married sportstars with their spouses--real life people. but what's this? the grrls get more exposure than the buoys that's for sure: their bodies cover the guy's body, or are positioned in such a way as to draw your attention to her, not him. and get a load of Tawny and Chuck Finley. Chuck Finley's head has become her cock (whosis, whanger, etc). and it's HUGE!
anyway, i think the juxtaposition of the pics and adverts tells an interesting narrative. and, make no mistake: it's all planned out with precision. advertisers sometimes even dictate where their ads go and, as we know, they pay more for certain spots. of course, interesting that the aging Stones get the cover page pull out. how's that for initiating an anxiety chain?
anyway,
overweight football players (anxiety chain begins to be alleviated by)>
girls, girls, girls as very nearly art no less >
a heineken advert reminding the reader that he'll never get a babe like that. Unworthy! (accch! more anxiety)>
bring on the big powerful toys (to alleviate the anxiety and help get the girls that you can get)>
somewhat tedious but titillating story>
Mystery Man Mack bearing down on a woman with a floating face>
All-American-Girl Sarah O'toole's flirty apple cheeks (american as apple pie)>
Universal Studio Theme Park, het monogamous family (american as apple pie)>
more babes>
a buff buoy (more anxiety which can be relieved by)>
a buff buoy toy (both blue; no accident me thinks)>
more babes>
overweight ridiculous man mocking the whole thing (yeah this sucks we'll never be perfect and get the SI girls, but hell we can get away with a lot more, and if not we can always buy a>
powermachine (to get those girls)>
more pics of babes>
a symbol of het monogamy, the diamond engagement ring as status symbol of het masculinity as $$$$$
that was fun! kelley "come on like the freak show takes the stage"