Surrendered Wives

Kevin Robert Dean qualiall_2 at
Sat May 5 21:29:43 PDT 2001

Wives Surrender To Husbands To Save Marriages Yearning for a better marriage, a group of women have developed a unique approach to building a building a better connection with their husbands.

Known as being a "Surrendered Wife", the approach requires a wife to surrender control over her husband and his decisions.

"Surrendered Wife" author Laura Doyle said that she knew that she needed to make a change in her marriage as she and her husband were backing out of the driveway for a date and she began telling him how to drive.

"When I was telling my husband what to do all of the time I thought I was being helpful," Doyle said. "I thought that I was just telling him how to get somewhere faster."

Instead, Doyle said, she was expressing to her husband that she didn't have faith and trust in her husband's ability to do things correctly.

Doyle's marriage-changing measures struck a chord with Angela Kruse after she saw a story about the surrendered wife theory.

"It was like somebody slapped me in the face," Kruse said. "It said to me, 'What you are doing is so wrong.'"

Kruse reluctantly went to the bookstore to purchase a copy of the "Surrendered Wife" book.

"I was indentifying with those wack jobs and then I realized that I am one of those wack jobs," Kruse said.

Despite indentifying with the dissatisfaction of a unfulfilled marriage, Kruse was apprehensive about making such sweeping changes to her life.

"I, the strong independent woman that I had worked so hard to become, was buying this book," Kruse said. "But there was nothing in that book that I had not done or said."

Doyle said that many women have to learn how to relate to their husbands.

"Most of us have pretty great husbands if we just, you know, give them a chance to be themselves without trying to tell them how to do that," Doyle said.

Kruse said that she wanted an intimate marriage, but she had to let go of her fears.

"I had the fears of not having my needs met," Kruse said.

Both of the women said that they need to be clear about expressing their desires, but in a non-demanding manner. They also said that they have to know how to ask for what you want.

"A big part of surrendered wife training is that you have to learn to say how you feel and what you want," Doyle said.

The basic tenants of being a surrendered wife are that a wife:

Relinquishes inappropriate control of her husband.

Respects her husband's thinking.

Receives his gifts graciously and expresses gratitude for him.

Expresses what she wants without trying to control him.

Relies on him to handle household finances.

Focuses on her own self-care and fulfillment. As a result of the changes, a surrendered wife is:

Vulnerable where she used to be a nag.

Trusting where she used to be controlling.

Respectful where she used to be demeaning.

Grateful where she used to be dissatisfied.

Has faith where she once had doubt. Doyle said that the surrender in surrendered wife is not about submitting, but instead about surrendering control over your spouse.

_________________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Get your free address at

More information about the lbo-talk mailing list