>--- > (as an aside, "keeping it together for the kids"
> > carries a bit of
> > puritanical luggage.
> >
>
>That may be true (the thought is Bad Selfish Wife!
>Puting Your Silly Needs Ahead of the Kids!, right?),
>but there's something to it. Not on the Bad Selfish
>Wife Theory, of course, but just the idea that the
>kids count too. I helped my best friend get out of an
>awful abusive marriage where she and the kids are
>better off with her as a single mom. But divorce _can_
>be hard on the kids. If your situation is tolerable,
>that's a consideration. It's not a trump. We were
>talking about a case where one partner isn't getting
>enough or the right kind of sex. If things are
>otherwise all right, or all right enough, that may not
>be enough reason for a divorce, especially if it would
>hurt the kids. Depends on the reason why the sex
>problem, one supposes. Counseling is almost always a
>good idea, I agree. jks
counseling is ok, but it probably doesn't ever get at the real issues that, in my experience and that of my friends, underlie power struggles in a marriage.
if your wife finds it perfectly ok that you're seeking sex elsewhere, fine. that would be the "depends on the situation" clause that jenny offered. but we don't really live in that kind of world, and most people aren't keen on the thought of their spouse looking for sex elsewhere. so, if your wife isn't fine, then AFAIC, you're breaking some promises you made to her and i have a problem with breaking promises and deceit. call it prudery. doesn't bother me.
if the partner is assuming fidelity, then i think it's simply an extension of the idea that a wife has a duty to satisfy her husband regardless as to her needs/desires.
if things are so great, then i can't see very many reasons why the kids suffer. kids suffer because of acrimonious relations between exes.
(all exes are assholes. ex-hood _causes_ assholery. :) (bad subjects joke)
kids suffer because non custodial parents don't pay child support. kids suffer because non-custodial parents often relinquish their other parental obligations. so, in the situation you describe--where two people are otherwise getting along fine and dandy--i think the "keeping it together for the kids" is just an excuse and, often, an excuse that is used to make those who don't "keep it together for the kids" feel as if they've somehow failed and acted selfishly.
kelley