[lbo-talk] Don't Mess With Mom

DeborahSRogers debburz at yahoo.com
Thu Jun 24 14:55:04 PDT 2004


--- Charles Brown <cbrown at michiganlegal.org> wrote:
> I know I am discussing anecdotes, but I would think that the
> dilemma I am
> describing has impact on a sizable number of parents and children
> today.
> Children need some discipline, and not all parental discipline
> amounts to
> "authoritarianism". One worries that a naughty child might face
> his first
> serious discipline from the _real_ authorities, if he won't obey
> his
> parents.

<snip>


> Anyway, childrearing struggles are part of the project of making
> people who
> will change the world and make the rev; and the personal is
> political.

The personal becomes very political when you are dealing with parental authoritarianism and school district authoritarianism.

I have two kids, both adopted, products of multiple foster care homes from birth, both with some substantial mental health issues. One is bipolar, the other has pretty severe attachment disorder issues with 3 generations of anti-social personality disorder weighing in on the genetics. However, you'd never know it, meeting each of them, because we've confronted the behaviorial and mental issues from the get-go with a very structured environment. Both positive and negative behaviors are met with a compatible consequence as soon as possible, because this is how they best respond to learning appropriate behavior.

Fine. That didn't suit one of my kids' elementary school teachers, who felt that we were *too* strict with the kids, so she called the ever-dreaded CPS. Keep in mind that this is a school where my daughter, who went from making A's and B's to C's and D's the next semester, was awarded a certificate for "Most Successful," because they feel that all kids need to feel good about themselves, regardless of whether their accolade was earned or not. Long story short, we were not only cleared, but lauded for having the guts to use the environment best suited to the kids' needs, and we were backed by the school counselor, principal, 3 psychiatrists and 2 therapists, all of whom reemed the school for rewarding negative behavior with positive reinforcement.

Good for us, rah-rah, whatever. But what makes this an example of such frustration is that, while my kids are going to what we jokingly call the "Dr. Feelgood School of Unrealized Successes," in this district the kids would be moving to middle and high schools where suddenly, almost overnight, negative behavior is rewarded with...a trip to the principle? detention? suspension? Oh hell no, how about TICKETS FROM THE POLICE. Or arrested. And automatically sent to the "discipline school" without any appeals allowed. And what kind of behavior gets you this kind of police intervention?

Oh, tossing your mashed potatoes at the kid next to you. Tripping another kid with your foot. Typical schoolyard hijinx. Not just drugs, alcohol or weapons.

Now, imagine what they do with a kid whose meds might have been temporarily disrupted or skewed with hormonal surges and has a hysterical panic attack in the hall. Yep, you guessed it: call the police.

No common sense to the situation at all. And in the battle over who is being the most authoritarian or who can weild the biggest stick, the kids are the ones least likely to benefit from the impasse.

- Deborah R.

===== " How come people always flip and think they're Jesus? Why not Buddha? Particularly in America, where more people resemble Buddha than Jesus. 'Ah'm BUDDHA!' 'You're Bubba!' 'Ah'm Buddha now..All I gotta do is change 3 letters on ma belt...' " - Bill Hicks



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