"One option would be to go back to college and get a degree so I can become a professor, which would give me the security to do activist shit."
It's hard to say. I know other folks who have been unemployed for a while 1 yr, 2 yr, etc., who have not been able to find jobs and are not at all political. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. On the other hand I think it's even harder getting work in academia. Why not try to get a normal teaching job? No big bucks, but there's still June,July, August and lots of impressionable minds.
Joanna